closer. i'm mostly done the arrangement, so it's mostly just setting levels now. but i've been sleeping a lot since i quit smoking. if that doesn't lift, i'm going to have to go back to smoking. moving from 4 hour sleeps to ten hour sleeps is hugely negative.

at this point, i really don't want to be smoking anymore, so i'm really hoping that my body is able to adjust in getting me out of this horrible normalcy.

but i'd rather live to 40 with four hour sleeps than live to 70 with ten hour sleeps. if it's going to give me back 4, 5, 6 hours a day, it's a valid trade-off.

the weather is just about to turn, so i'm really hoping i get a jolt of energy soon. like, tomorrow. otherwise, i'm going to be very tempted.

the reason i started smoking in the first place was for it's properties as a stimulant. coffee wasn't working. but i was pushing myself to 40 hour days as i was working multiple jobs. i don't need quite that much. but i can't handle the absurdly short 15 hour days i've been living recently. it's just too short. i'm not productive. i need to be sleeping about half as much as i have been the last month or so.

coffee is like water to me. i need it to stay "normal". in a sense, i know it's withdrawal, but if it doesn't lift soon then it's just not worth it.

closing down the scratch pad

i set up the scratchpad as a sarcastic reaction to some requests for collaboration.

as i've received exactly zero responses, i will no longer be posting to it.

the mix is coming slowly. a few more days, probably. but i'm not making any promises.