the test came back negative, and, while the doctor at least heard me out, his suggestions were no less silly: not only have i never had anxiety before, but one does not get high from anxiety, and i was high as a kite.

the connection between the second hand smoke and the effects i experienced is too obvious to be altered in my mind.

so i'm left with one of two options:

1) my tolerance to meth (or crack.) is so ridiculously low that i got scary high from an amount that was so low that it didn't even show up in the sample. this is actually consistent with my past experiences with drugs: my tolerance for everything is extremely low. i need to take children's dosages....and that itself might be the answer to the quandary: i'm going to get smashed from a smell, in the first place.
2) whatever stimulant they're smoking was not tested for - so is neither meth nor crack. i have no further suggestions, right now. glue?

i don't know know what the next step is, but i know that if i continue to get high from this second hand smoke, then i'm going to continue to seek medical attention until we can figure it out and devise steps to address it.

something i could try is taking a sample of the air in the apartment to a lab.

and, i could also try and replicate the urine test, and see if i can tweak it to be a bit more sensitive.

i may end up moving, in the end, but not until i can figure out a way to get the landlord to swallow the costs. this is ultimately their legal responsibility, not mine.

...and there is absolutely no chance whatsoever that i'm taking drugs to combat the effects of other drugs.

i feel ok, now. i just ate four bags of doritos, which i would not have otherwise done. my metabolism just got tweaked up and down; that's what happens. i'm not going to fall for the drugs, but i'll fall for the munchies. this time, anyways.

so, what's tonight's saga?

i started getting floaty around 9 or 10, and overwhelmed about 11:30. same deal: odour wafting up that seemed kinda like pot, but didn't feel like pot when inhaled.

i didn't get a headache tonight, so i wanted to work through it, but, like...

i can't grasp how they're giving this shit to kids to get them to focus. i could understand giving kids marijuana if you wanted them to focus, because it wipes away the distractions; it turns off the noise and lets you focus on the signal. uppers, on the other hand, exaggerate the noise and drown out the signal. i could barely sit still, and barely look at one place on the screen. my heart was racing, and my head was buzzing....

so, i did two things:

1) i drank a lot of water.
2) i sat down in a yoga pose and did a lot of deep breathing, basically waiting out the high until it was gone.

is that why you're not supposed to drink the water in the ganges?

that's probably not what you're supposed to do on meth. but, you're not supposed to drug people against their will when they're trying to read, either. fuck.

about a half hour later, it was time to get up and urinate. i've now got three bottles to submit for testing in the morning...

i fully expect to get the same response.

"but, you need to be in very close proximity to get the effects of second hand smoke."

yeah, that's what they said about cigarettes for decades, too, if you'll recall. let's do the test and see what comes back. that's empiricism. if you're going to walk around in that lab coat, you've gotta fucking act like it..