Tuesday, February 21, 2017


how am i doing?

i'm feeling a whole hell of a lot better. really.

i'm skipping this show tonight:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMueDWG86JU


it's an experiential thing, solely. apparently, they follow the same algorithm every set, so once you've heard it once you've heard it all. and, while i'm sure i'd enjoy it, i'd rather stay in and nurse my remaining sickness.

the headache is gone. but, i've also had the windows open all day and will probably leave them open for the next several days. when my nose cleared enough this morning to regain a sense of smell, the first thing i noticed was that my apartment smells like stale smoke and that it may have been a part of the cause of my coughing fits.

i'm focusing right now on cycling the air out, which is going to mean an early spring cleaning. i want to focus on finding hidden sources of dust. i forgot to clean at all this month....

i've spent the last several days editing and watching vlogs, which are now being uploaded. i'm happy with this algorithm: a few hours to edit for the month, a few days to render, about six hours to watch them and then a few days to upload. then i'm not thinking about it for another month...

i've made some progress with the show reviews, but it's been slow due to distractions. i'm not particularly upset about this. but, i'd like to get over the hump tonight, too.

so, that's the last few days: necessary editing shit while nursing a cold, and being less productive than i could be due to distraction. hey, i read a few things. i'm not wasting time, i'm stretching it out.

Saturday, February 18, 2017

i've had a busy few weeks, but the actual reason i've been unproductive is the headache, which is finally lifting - although the congestion is migrating from my chest to my head. every time i've sat down to do something, i've passed out...

i dunno.

when i was a kid, i was diagnosed with "chronic bronchitis" as a consequence of living in a house with a lot of second-hand smoke (my mom was a heavy smoker and largely denied the premise of second-hand smoke as a problem). that's not exactly asthma, but it's in the same neighborhood. basically, i'm not in danger of the scarier complications of asthma - i just cough a lot, sometimes. this is about the right time of the yea for it, and i know there's not anything i can do about it. this is actually one of the reasons it took me so long to quit smoking: i knew it wouldn't clear the bronchitis. it doesn't usually come with headaches or congestion, though. i mean, i might be going through a bronchial fit at the same time as something else, or several things, or something else may have even triggered it (that's something that has happened before...), but it's not the cause of this congestion that happens every time i go outside, or the headaches, or the sore throats.

i'm going to experiment with the claritin by popping a pill every time i go out. i'm putting myself at risk of a false positive for a while, but if it works then i'll stick with it. if it doesn't......i just don't know...

i think i may inquire about some antibiotics for oral thrush at the beginning of the month, or otherwise get him to look at my throat.

on top of that, it was absurdly warm here today for the time of the year, nearly 20 degrees, so my neighbour ruined it by turning the a/c on :(. if he's going to have the a/c on all week, i'm going to have to turn the heat up to 30 to compensate. that's going to make it that much drier in here. but, hopefully i can get the windows open during the day.

for right now, i've finished the editing for vlogs from jan 22-feb 15. they will render overnight, and i'll watch & upload them tomorrow. resources are going to be a little slow on the machine for the night, but the process of building the show review archive can actually even be done offline. i can work in a new window...

Thursday, February 16, 2017

i ended up at a concert on saturday night, slept all of sunday and then lost monday and tuesday fighting with facebook. i was then actually more productive yesterday and this morning than it seems.

it's the rightmost column, here, that is what i spend the time on:
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/index.html

the following playlist was updated, concurrently:
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLrHImg7oLm2aBNQYDAsBZrz0eVnScD5yT

it was mostly an augmentation process. so, it was a lot of searching and arranging and downloading. but, it is now much more complete.

i'm going to stop to eat. i do intend to hit the show tonight, but we'll see if i can get out in time or not.

Friday, February 10, 2017

that was a disappointing day: too much ranting.

i should have finished this today. i at least got the framework down.
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/index.html

back at it tomorrow...
so, this process was a little slower yesterday than i'd have liked it to be, and i'm slow getting back to it today, but i'm about to get back to it and expect to get at least most of it done by the end of the day.

the air quality is poor this morning, but it's middling: the fan is enough. but it's annoying. i'll be glad when it warms up enough that i can just keep the windows open all of the time.

i'm firming up saturday as a night out. it's going to depend on how i feel tomorrow. but, i'm actually really not at all interested in anything on the bill; it's all very generic and largely boring. it's the kind of thing that's all image and no substance. it's billing itself as an "industrial" festival, but i'd describe it more as a bunch of millenial hipsters imagining what they think industrial was through the filter of bad films and shitty books. see, i'm willing to shrug all that off, though, for the opportunity to just dance all night. but, i'm a little iffy on the weather. if i don't go, that's a shame; but, i don't feel like i'm missing anything, either. the actual upside is that i'm definitely going to miss the bus, so i'd end up at the works for the rest of the night. that really extends the night. but, the walk is...i dunno...i'm still thinking about it...

if i go, it's going to be against my better instincts. but, i kind of want to support the festival, too, even if i think it's a little weak to start off with, because it's at least a good idea.

for right now, i want to get back to it and hopefully get close to finishing...

Thursday, February 9, 2017

i was worried that i was going to have to find a way around my router. but, the update was both a little deeper and a lot less complicated than i thought.

so, the appspot site is now serving from python 2.7:
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/

...which means that google won't shut me down in the summer.

now, to get the show reviews up...
the show schedule for the rest of the month is going to depend on the weather, but is made up of an array of classical & jazz performances and techno nights.

it's not that there aren't rock shows happening, it's that the genre is no longer consistently creative. i understand that rock shows, moving forward, are going to be sporadic. i will need electronic, jazz and classical forms to fill the vacuum...

i'm staying in tonight...

...and then i could be out every other night or stay in for weeks. saturday depends on the timing of the cold front; it's going to have to be warm, though, and seems unlikely.

now, i need to figure out how to upgrade from python 2.5 to python 2.7.
yesterday ended up split between days. that happens when my schedule clashes with my circadian cycle: i end up napping out of sequence, then stumbling through the end of the day until i get back in the cycle. so, i was eventually up yesterday evening around 20:00 and able to lock back into the pattern. i was a little slow getting started, but i'm back into it.

that said, i'm planning on shifting gears for the night, and getting back at the rebuild tomorrow.

first off, i skipped a band called lemuria tonight...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJ4n2b2_RxY


i stated that february could have a lot of shows; it seems like it's going to rather have a lot of skipped shows.

again: i'm not actually a fan of this band. in truth, i had not even heard of them until about a week ago. so, this was another whim show just to go out and have a beer and enjoy the walk. but, the weather turned nasty (again...) and i decided against it.

i think i probably should have heard of them previously as they exist in a genre i like and seem to be good at it, but this is right in the middle of my kind of deadzone period, about 2005-2009. i was more introverted than usual over these years...

as it is, i don't have those memories, and didn't want to go out in the cold.

delicate steve is tonight and it's also pretty unlikely, although i haven't ruled it out entirely, yet. it's just too cold out. i know delicate steve a little bit better: this is a kind of a twisted, post-modern joke that i suspect a large percentage of people aren't really in on. if i were to go at all, it would be solely on a lark, kind of thing. i know i'm going to cringe. the point is enjoying the cringe...

but, i want to do a little research on what the live show is actually like before i rule it out altogether. i dunno - you tell me: is this worth it, or is it just a frustrating tease that ultimately spins out and would be worth a beer on a nice night but is just not worth braving the cold for on this one?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D4BvqSE2G7U


it's very low probability. but, i could surprise myself at the last minute. i've done it before...

but, now that i'm past the cloud nothings show last night, what i need to do tonight is my formal run through for the month. that will take a few hours and make the rest of the month make more sense. major question to answer: am i going to have extra cash at the end of february if i don't go to the al di meola show, which is considerably more expensive than the shows i'm used to going to?

when i'm done, i'm going to pivot into rebuilding the show review archive:
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/index.html

this is clearly very out of date, with links to dead facebook posts and a cut off date in january, 2014. but, it will not be very time consuming because all of the reviews are written....

...except the one for the show last night. so, i'll need to do that....

...and we'll have to see where we are when i get there.

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

update: refractions is posted to may 16, 2015.

update: thru is posted to may 14, 2015.

update: lalalala posted to may 11, 2015.

update: reflections was posted to may 3, 2015.

that is also the end of 2002 in the rebuild, which was a heavy year that was never finished properly, but is now. i finished up until may, 2003 before i circled back to do the reconstructions from tape, so there's not a lot more left to do before i get lost in the interference (that i've still yet to fully resolve).
update: flying was posted to may 2, 2015.

update: my sixth lp was posted to may 2, 2015.

update: untitled is posted to april 27, 2015.

Monday, February 6, 2017

i've had short days for weeks...

i finally get a long day, and the stomach wrench hits along with the warm front.

so, i'm wide awake but have to stop and curl.

i was much more productive, today, getting two and a half months in. or, perhaps, the volume went down. either way, let's hope i can stay this productive when i get back to it on wednesday.

Saturday, February 4, 2017

update: the psilocybin symphony was appended to on jan 10, 2015.

i just finally finished the entire rebuild for 2014.

i need to do the entirety of 2015, too, but the posting was far more sporadic. i lost almost all of january to show reviews. februrary, march and april were all spent on the guitar concerto. may put together a lot of loose ends. and, then the interference hit in june and july and i got sucked into the canadian election cycle over the fall and then the american one over the winter and the spring (which was spent archiving...)

the vlogs also start in october, 2015.

i'm going to stop to clean tomorrow. i don't know how much more i'll get tonight. and there's still a lot to do. but, i feel like i just got over a huge hump, too.

Thursday, February 2, 2017

update: atom's / taught to twist posted to dec 12, 2014.

update: trepanation nation is posted to dec 7, 2014.

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

ok. back at it. and, i want to push myself to the end of the year, so i can stop to do some cleaning afterwards.
today just kind of disappeared. i decided at the last minute to do an unplanned grocery run, due to the long term forecast not providing the reprieve i wanted in the first week of february. it's actually been a relatively mild winter overall, but my grocery runs are three or four hour walks, often with a cart, so i was hoping to get a day above zero and without snow, to facilitate the cart. alas...

i get the january check before christmas, so it's always a weird month, grocery wise. it's predictable that i'll end up doubling my january bill, then buying almost nothing in february. which is what seems to be happening, again.

the upside is that i have nothing planned until the cloud nothings show on the 7th. my body is tired and my feet are sore, so i don't expect to finish anything else tonight. but hopefully tomorrow is the big day....stated yet again....

Sunday, January 29, 2017

update: the imaginary tour demo is posted to nov 19, 2014.

update: time is posted to nov 19, 2014.

update: 9:46 is posted to nov 15, 2014.

Saturday, January 28, 2017

update: rabit is wolf is posted to nov 8, 2014.

so, about an hour ago i hear all kinds of smashing and drilling and sawing upstairs. a few minutes ago, i finally went up to see what the commotion is..

"what are you guys doing?"
"tearing the ceiling down."
"can i ask why you're tearing the ceiling down?"
"there's a leak upstairs."
"can i..."
"there's a leak upstairs. it needs to be fixed. would you like to help?"
"i'm not going to be of much help to you...."

it's not my fault. i was born with this.
i just want to clarify that i'm waiting this guy out.

he's dangerously obese, and in his 60s. he should die any day, now. heart attack. diabetes. he could fall and be unable to get up.

i'd kind of like to sit the new property owner down and explain this to him. i'm not sure what the exact relationship is, now. the previous owner was the guy's brother; i think that the new one is an in-law. he may be a little unclear about the reality of the situation, which is that i'm his long term tenant. the fat moron upstairs has five years, max. the heavy smokers two flights up are no doubt going to leave when their son moves out, which should be in a year or two; otherwise, they've had health issues, themselves. there's another tenant upstairs that is also old and in visibly poor health.

i am thirty years younger, and in excellent health. i won't just be here longer than any of the other tenants, i'll probably be here longer than the existing property owner owns the building for.

so, i'd kind of like to sit him down and level with him. he should be concerned about what i want, first and foremost - because i'm the one he's going to have to be dealing with, years down the road.
so, that's two saturday mornings in a row that this smell has wafted downstairs and started to affect my head.

here's another thought: i don't have the slightest clue what crack-cocaine smells like. could somebody in the building be smoking crack? i wouldn't be able to identify it - i'd just notice something smells bad and complain about a headache.

windows are open until it passes....

i got up until the end of october done yesterday, which is much less than i'd like. but, hopefully, i can get that extra push today.

Thursday, January 26, 2017

so, who is the fucker at the mixing desk?

i've let on a few times that i'm conceiving of him as the comic book guy, chowing down doritos that are falling out of his mouth and on to the board and muttering "no, no, this is all wrong - she means to do it like *this*.", which promptly leads me to want to strangle him.

i'm getting the perception, recently, that the surveillance is a little more sophisticated, which is leading me to question my perceptions.

who is the fucker at the mixing desk? i don't know, but it's becoming unbearable and i consequently need to request - again - that this ceases. my time is being wasted, and i don't have a lot of it left...

i spent a good part of the last week on this, and got to the point about friday where i could get a rough mix out. over the last few days, i've been lethargic - partially depressed that the out doesn't sound the same, partially refraining from nicotine. today, i began to notice that the file is skipping very badly and narrowed it down to a latency issue.

now, here's the thing: there was not previously a latency issue. i did not add any effects or buses or anything at all. it's the same file. one does not go from no latency issues to latency issues for no reason.

the one thing that i did change was that i unplugged from the internet....

now, here's the thing that is consistent with the other evidence i've compiled that my audio is connected to an external server: the direct out rendered the way it should, even as the playback sounded muffled and was skipping. that itself is not unusual. but what it indicates is that the processor is picking up extra shit on playback. that it wasn't picking up before. what, exactly?

now, as mentioned, i'm unplugged from the internet. there's no wireless in this machine at all. that doesn't mean remote operation is impossible, but it means that:

(1) it would be slow and
(2) it would require some expertise.

i'm not going to pretend that i know how to do this, but if you check any electronic device manufactured in north america there's a little statement on the back that states "we can remote control this with radio". this applies to everything from your cell phone to your microwave. but it means i'm not talking about a fucker at a mixing desk, i'm talking about a fucker at csis, and the noise and clicking and screwed up mixes i'm getting is essentially a byproduct of being monitored.

the logic may be along the lines of "if she doesn't want to buy a phone, we'll monitor her mixer instead".

so, listen....

....you idiots....

...you can clearly hear that all you're picking up is the music. and, you're interfering in my music production rather dramatically, whether you mean to or not. i'm not attempting to cut you out because i'm trying to hide my riffs and beats from you. i'm trying to cut you out because you're fucking up the monitor on the mix by adding empty space, which is killing the definition and making everything sound compressed.

i tend to be transparent, because i realize it's a better idea for the intelligence agencies to understand what they're dealing with to prevent misunderstandings. for example, i think it's a good thing for them to know i don't own any weapons, because it will prevent any overreactions. so, the idea of being listened to is actually something i'm indifferent to. i recognize the potential for abuse and think it shouldn't happen, but it's not something that really seriously bothers me on a personal level.

but, this is interference, and that's something very different.

i'm not plugging back in until i'm confident that the radio hack has stopped. and, from that point forward, what i want is for the software used to be updated so that it doesn't interfere with the people being monitored. which is probably a good idea anyways.

again: i'm ignoring the stupidity of the fact that you're monitoring a composer with no income and no friends. i don't have the time or interest to drag this through court; that's a waste of my time. i'm just demanding that, if you're going to monitor me, you do it in a way that is non-invasive.

in the meantime, i'm going to have to mix from render. which means i'm going to have to render the track every time i touch the mix. this is extremely time consuming. but you leave me no choice until you fuck off...

the blunt reality is that there's nothing to monitor. i make music, i read, and i eat. i do this entirely by myself. there's no hidden network. i simply don't know anybody.

so, it's not that i'm hiding connections and you need to monitor me to find them. it's that i don't see any use in paying for a device i'll never use. and, that you're basically harassing somebody that is of no use to you.

so, stop.

let me mix....
update: clarity is posted to oct 21, 2014.

update: the wave is posted to oct 6, 2014.

i'm actually glad that i'm doing this, as much of a pain in the ass as it is, as i really am going to have to give the second part quite a bit of a facelift to finish the remaining sections.

there's a lot of stuff coming. a chamber music compilation. a vocal disc, with vocals that are currently unreleased. and, expansions of almost all of the singles...

these are mostly ideas that i chickened out on the first run through. as i said before: the focus is different, now. no, i want to be comprehensive. so, all of these ideas need to come back...

i'm excited. really.

but i have to finish this, first. i didn't expect it would take this long. but i guess i underestimated the breadth of writing.

really, i should have done this over the summer, before the alter-reality came up. now, i'm stuck - and i have to push through.

at least i'm getting some listening in, too. that's always a benefit.
this is great news:
https://daily.bandcamp.com/2017/01/24/everything-is-terrific-the-bandcamp-2016-year-in-review/

i had a false start yesterday due to finding an error in the vlogs from the 19th and 20th (of january) at the last minute, requiring a re-render. and, then i had a publishing error this morning that stole about 10 gb of bandwidth...

but, i'm posting today. starting now. and, in fact, i want to get a lot done.

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

fwiw, the window was only open for about an hour this morning and i don't currently plan to re-open it. we'll have to see, but right now it seems like it's ok....

this editing process was slowed down by a number of weird factors, but i should be back to posting within an hour or so. i just need to call my gp to book an appointment, presumably with an urologist.

i'm a big advocate of tort law. and, i think that the solution to smokers rights v. non-smokers rights lies in shifting the burden to the smokers, themselves.

so, while i'm not really an advocate of laws that ban smoking, i am an advocate of adopting a "polluter-pays" approach to dealing with the externalities related to cigarette smoking. remember: i live in canada. so, i can support high taxes for cigarettes, but only under the argument that the money goes towards health care. what i'm talking about right now, though, is the question of what is to be done about tenant smoking, and finding ways to balance tenant rights for smokers and non-smokers.

i would both argue that smokers have the right to smoke and argue that non-smokers have the right to not smoke. the novel part of my argument is that i would argue that non-smokers should have the ability to hold smokers liable for costs incurred in smoke-proofing their buildings. for the practical example in front of me, i would argue that the smokers in the building should be held liable for the heating and electrical costs incurred as a consequence of me opening the window to neutralize their habits. if a cost is placed on their pollution, perhaps they'd think twice about causing these externalities.
so, i woke up to a different smell today: cyanide & carbon monoxide. that is, the smell of cigarette smoke.

that's a smell i know well. it's dankness - the way it falls over everything like a blanket. you simply can't address this without opening the windows and letting the room air out.

i'm actually not sure if the tenant directly above me smokes or not. i think he might be a secret smoker from time to time, which is why this comes and goes. i think that the other tenant on the main floor does. the tenants two floors up are very heavy smokers and you can smell it when you walk in the front door but it doesn't usually bug me down in the basement.

this isn't the first time i've noticed this, but i don't think it's been this bad before; or, perhaps, my smell is better now than it has been since i've moved here. but, i didn't quit smoking just to deal with the second-hand smoke from upstairs. so, i'm not backing down on this point: the windows will remain open (with the heat up...) until the smell clears out.

and, the answer is to stop smoking inside.

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

update: jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj is posted to oct 3, 2014.

update: existence is posted to oct 3, 2014.

Monday, January 23, 2017

i crashed hard this afternoon after yet another absurd day down here...

as mentioned here repeatedly, the situation has been clearing up over the weekend, although not decisively. and, while the smell seems to be gone now, it may take a while for the apartment to clear out completely and me to get my head back. i remain oozy, but am a little better than yesterday (which was a little better than the day before). i am convinced that something was fixed, at least, and believe it was a consequence of my tactics to draw attention to the issue. if the issue reappears, i will not hesitate to repeat.

but, what happened? i glossed over this in the vlog, but i'll be more detailed, here.

there was rattling upstairs on friday afternoon. the smell became noticeable on saturday morning; the headache hit before noon, and i fell asleep. i opened the windows on saturday night and actually mostly left the heat off (except when i was up to eat). the initial goal was to try and get him to turn the heat back on upstairs; given that i believed that the cause of the leak was turning the heat off the other day, getting him to turn it back on would at least put him face to face with the device, and have him see if he damaged anything. i sent the email out on sunday, which explicitly pointed to the likelihood that something was knocked loose on friday. it was not until monday morning that i gave up hope on him turning his heat back on, and turned mine up to 30.

late on monday morning, i heard another rattling upstairs followed by the liberal use of a spray bottle. about an hour later, a "gas inspector" that looked a lot like the new property owner showed up in construction gear. he walked around a little and concluded there was no sign of a gas leak, but agreed, when pressed, that the fact that i've had the windows open for several days would make it hard to get a good reading.

i gave the guy upstairs a chance to be honest, but i didn't expect that he'd take it. in the few years that i've been here, i've experienced nothing but dishonesty from him. he wouldn't admit to why he wanted to let dogs down here, for example. and, his own brother has asked me to not give him checks because he, himself, doesn't trust him. if your own brother does not trust you at 60-some years, there must be a serious problem, right?

but, i've been clear - repeatedly - that i do not think that he can be held legally liable and ultimately elevate responsibility elsewhere. the way you want to think of it is like this: suppose you told a six year-old that you think he accidentally broke the furnace. six is maybe a tad young, but you get the point. if that six year-old is home alone, and you told them this over email or phone, what would the six year-old do? well, first, it would check to see if it could fix the situation, and then it would destroy any evidence (such as spraying the area - and i don't actually know if febreeze would mask natural gas). then, it would deny culpability in any way possible by blaming others or making things up. if you asked the six year old directly, the six year old would lie. if eventually caught, the six year old would admit that the reason it lied was that it didn't want to get in trouble.

now, this might seem a little outlandish, but the evidence i've gathered around me has led me to conclude that this is the psychology in front of me. i've been operating this way for quite a while, now. i mean, you might ask the reasonable question: if you think there's a gas leak upstairs, why not just knock on the door? and, the answer is that the person that opens the door is incapable of dealing with the situation in an honest or adult manner, and needs to be directed from outside.

the reason that i glossed over this is that - given the situation, more broadly - it doesn't matter. i need to do what i did to get a reaction. and, i got the reaction i wanted. hopefully, the experience is enough to act as incentive for everybody to be more careful with the furnace.

as mentioned, the gas guy looked a whole lot like the property owner. again: i didn't ask questions (except when i did, and he shuffled nervously). i mean, if he were to go to the absurd point of putting on construction gear to try and convince me of something...

he admitted his device couldn't pick much up in context, and instead tried to blame the smell on the baseboards. i guess the solution is another furnace, right? lol. i set this up to demonstrate that this idea does not make sense. but, i wanted an analysis, and not an argument, so i just let him walk out.

as mentioned: the smell (which, as has been the case previously, was localized in the bathroom) has lifted. they did something. they might not be telling me what they did. but, i got them to do it. and, hopefully the threat of expenses will have them behave more carefully in the future.

i'm going to get something to eat. the vlogs should be done rendering by then. and i should be back at it when the sun comes back up.
i'm a lot better right now, but i'm also apparently unable to close the windows without getting woozy. the stench continues. with the heat set to 30, it's a decent balance, for now.

again: i've pointed this out to the old property owner several times and i'm not getting a real answer. he's going to have to wait until his gas bill shows up to learn, i guess - along with his electrical bill, which is heating a basement with the windows wide open because the gas is leaking.

who am i kidding. he'll blame it on the windmills in northern ontario and demand a tax cut. i'm going to have to call the new property owners over the next few days; the landlord is useless, and i'm not going to even bother, i'll just leapfrog him right off.

anyways. i spent the morning finishing the editing up until jan 20th (inclusive), which means vlogs are done until the tenth of february. they're rendering, right now. i'll start uploading when i close the virtual machine when they're done rendering...

so, the last 48 hours were not a total waste. but i really hope i can get a head start on the rest of the week this morning.

Sunday, January 22, 2017

focusing yesterday wasn't going to happen; i wasn't tired, but i needed to sleep. and, now i have a list of vlogs to watch.

the headache is still there, and the windows remain open...

i'm going to get something to eat soon. i expect today will be unproductive. a migraine can knock you right out.
windows are still open, and i'm noticing the same basic cause & effect as i have previously: the headache gets a lot better if i stand beside the window for a few minutes, even if it comes back afterwards.

methane - which is my concern, not carbon monoxide - is not a poison. it can't actually hurt you, in low concentrations. what it does is smother you, so you can't breathe. but, i'm obviously getting enough oxygen. so, if i'm right about what's happening, the headaches i'm getting from the methane are basically the same thing as getting woozy after climbing a mountain: i'm just experiencing low oxygen. there aren't long term side effects, or at least won't be if the exposure is kept minimal. it's just irritating.

i'm going to try and get back to work for a few hours. i don't promise much.
i had a mild headache yesterday morning, so i stopped at about 11:00 am to lie down for a few minutes. i wasn't planning on sleeping...

i woke up in the afternoon with a brutal, splitting headache complete with blurred vision and "aura": a textbook migraine.

i didn't have a history of these up until last year, but that's more than twice, now. but, the thing is that it seems to be correlated with the tenant upstairs turning the gas off...

i remain convinced that there is a gas leak in the basement, and that there's not a lot i can do besides open the window (as an incentive to action...) until the property owner fixes it.

the headache persists. it got a little better around midnight, but it's back - with aura. i don't expect to get anything done today.

so, i'm doing a little bit of vlog editing, instead.

Saturday, January 21, 2017

update: spin... is posted to sept 24, 2014.

update: give 'em hell / strung out is posted to sept 7, 2014.

update: me, myself... was posted to sept 6, 2014.

Thursday, January 19, 2017

i just split three days up into little pieces and, in the end, ended up back where i was to begin with. i guess i needed to catch up on the sleep. i was up on the 17th about 17:00, and ended up awake on the 19th at about the same time after sleeping for most of the day (in fact most of the last 24 hours). so, i'm cycled back around and ready to pick up where i left off.

but i need to pick up the pace...

i need to eat, first. and then i need to have a productive night.
also, in the long run i'll need to keep an eye on my cholesterol. but, it's currently actually pretty outstanding.

i've been over this: my diet seems terrible, until you realize that i don't eat very much and i walk a lot.....

these numbers are real. and attainable. note: both of my parents have/had high cholesterol. my dad actually had several life-threatening cardiovascular episodes before brain cancer got him, and his father died of heart disease. if this were a purely genetic concern, i'd be in a lot of trouble. and yet look at these numbers....

chol: 3.69 mmol/L = 66.42 mg/dl. this is actually lower than the normal range (3.8-5.2). i also have low blood pressure....

tg: 0.88 mmol/L = 15.84 mg/dl. lower end of normal range (0.6-1.7).

hdl:  1.37 mmol/L = 24.66 mg/dl. this is pretty much in the middle of the normal range (1.00-1.80). higher hdl is preferable (apparently, above 1.6). but, i have to keep in mind that i'm low, overall. the way you measure a situation like this is to look at a ratio, and while it's not on the print-out, google confirms my logic. my ratio is 2.69; under 3.5 suggests i'm at low risk for heart disease.

ldl: 1.92 mmol/L = 34.56 mg/dl. this is also lower than normal (2.0-2.6), but again you have to keep in mind that the total is low. the important ratio here is ldl/hdl, which is 1.4. that again suggests very low risk - around half of the average risk, it turns out.

non-hdl chol: 2.32 mmol/L = 41.76 mg/dl. this measure is just a difference between total cholesterol and good cholesterol; it's the amount of cholesterol that is not good cholesterol. apparently, i want to keep the difference between non-hdl and ldl less than 30 mg/dl. well, i'm at 7.2.

i have to keep an eye on this because i should be at high risk. but, my lifestyle is very different than either of my parents, and the effects of that are showing pretty clearly.
ok. umm...

i was vaccinated.

the doctor is...he's got a lot of work to do....this is why i asked for the print-out...

the blood test results indicate i'm positive for anti-hbs. that means i'm immune. given that i also have immunity to hep A, i must have gotten twinrix at some point.

the test that the lab requested is to determine if i may have defeated it naturally and become a "chronic carrier". note that a "chronic carrier" is not the same thing as a "chronic infection". whether i misunderstood or he misspoke is less important than getting it right...but i think he read the information too briskly and misspoke, leading me to a false understanding...

when i said today that i should wait until march because there's a temporal component and i wouldn't learn anything from an immediate test, he nodded and said something about a graph and appeared to be struggling to remember something he hadn't thought about since college. google is so remarkably useful. he was no doubt thinking about this:



if i had picked up hep b in the blackout, i wouldn't have tested positive for anti-hbs a mere 11 weeks after infection, which is what happened. i must have already had immunity. what he told me had led me to believe that they had picked up lgM anti-HBc which, at 11 weeks, would indicate exposure. that is not the case. this was a miscommunication.

if i wasn't in shock, i would have asked for it in writing in the first place.

doctors are not magicians. it's always a good idea to ask questions, get things in writing and do independent research. i'm not upset because i consider this to be my responsibility, and not his.

but this is cleared up. whatever sickness i had this month, it wasn't hep b. i'm already immune to hep b. and i think it's clear that i'm immune to hep b because i was in fact vaccinated.

i still don't know what happened that night, though.
i woke up sopping wet because i was outside in a torrential downpour. my reconstruction of the last moments of the blackout suggests it's probably why i got in the guy's car. but it means that any relevant evidence got washed off.

there was nothing on my clothes. and, i was bruised, but there was no residue.

i should have inquired around about the existence of an anal rape kit rather than assumed one doesn't exist. i was in a daze and didn't want to deal with it.
"There is no chronic (long- term) infection with hepatitis A. People do not become carriers of the hepatitis A virus."

"Avoid having sex while you're infectious – hepatitis A is most infectious from around two weeks before the symptoms start until about a week after they first develop."

ok. so...if i got hep A in the blackout, the person i got it from would have had to have been exposed recently. and, further, it would have had to have been in an anal-oral transmission. even in the worst blackout scenario, i would have no doubt gagged. 

i wish he would have told me that or printed the results out, because the transmission possibilities around hep A really rules out the possibility of a consensual encounter. i was either raped or i was vaccinated. which is more likely?

on the one hand, i think it's pretty low probability to suggest i happen to have been raped by somebody who was in an active transmission stage of hepatitis A in detroit in 2016. this is a third world disease that has a short window for transmission. and, i guess that detroit is in bad shape. but, poverty does not introduce disease, right? the disease has to come from somewhere. this is so unlikely as to rule it out.

unfortunately, however, the low probability of the scenario doesn't rule out all of the other evidence leaning towards a sexual encounter and a disease transmission: waking up with a sore anus and bruises, and then getting sick not once but twice over a long period of lethargy that included a bout of possible jaundice.

of course, it's not impossible that i could have had sex that night and already been vaccinated.

there's nothing i can do except wait. but, i think that the possibility that i got hep A is really so remote that the presence of antibodies is re-opening the potentiality of a vaccination in my mind; i had all but ruled that out once i got sick. and, if i got a hep A vaccination, i would have almost certainly gotten it with a hep B vaccination.

i can't handle being unable to deduce this. that's what upsets me. but, it's just more demonstration of the superiority of empirical epistemology. like i needed one....

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

i stopped by at the doctor's office today, hoping to get more info on the urologist referral. no progress. but, i got him to print off my full blood test results, and it turns out i also picked up hep A.

or, perhaps i got a twinrix vaccine? i went to florida when i was a kid. hrmmn. oddly enough, the presence of hep A antibodies is making me think it's more likely that i was vaccinated.

hep A hits faster. and, i was quite sick about a week after the blackout. it seems a bit quick, though, even for hep A; i thought it was some kind of bacterial infection in my throat, and tied it to a toke at a steve reich concert. could it have been both? apparently, hep A is mostly about anal sex. it felt bacterial. it's gross, but it actually makes sense.

with no memory, it's very hard to say anything.

the fresh air was beneficial; i feel better than i have in weeks. so, hopefully i'm over it. i'm still waiting until early march for the next blood test; results are on the 6th.

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

update: the intersection of two identical particles moving in completely opposite directions just posted to july 25, 2014.

Monday, January 16, 2017

update: the symphony of psilocybin-induced madness just posted to july 23, 2014.

so, how am i feeling?

a lot better. really.

i think i'm realizing that my liver is back at close to full strength after what might have been a worse situation than i really realized. the jaundice is fading, and i have more energy. but, the hormones are also working better. my stool is looking more healthy. the coffee seems to be actually working. and i'm legitimately hungry for the first time in quite a while.

i guess you don't really miss your liver until it's gone, right? trust me: you definitely want a liver. it gives you life, man. short for life-giver, really? we all know this abstractly, but actually feeling it start to go and then come back is...

well, i'm glad it's back. and, hopefully, this translates into working through the rest of this more quickly.

as i'm working through the journal, i'm realizing that the final update over 2001-2003 is going to be more profound than i realized. 1999-2000 will have minimal mods. but, some of the eps from 2001 are going to be very dramatically expanded.

i'm just approaching this with a different perspective. my concern on the first run through was listenability; i was being a lot more selective. but, i've since introduced the idea of the download-only track. i've constructed double ep singles, and hybrid physical/download double ep singles. so, much of what i buried is going to climb out of the grave.

beware of the oncoming zombie apocalypse, i guess? well, at least it will sound fucking great - i can promise you that. if you're going to have your brains eaten out anyways, you'd might as well enjoy it, right?

the oppression of logic can actually be remarkably satisfying.

i'm being silly. but that's actually a good sign. coffee's working. liver's working. life is good.
just an update: i just posted the time machine, published to july 21, 2014.



i'm very, very far behind schedule.

i've been very tired, but i'm feeling beter.

i've decided i have to have a zero (new) ranting policy until i get this worked out. so, i should hopefully be more productive, now.

that was sort of a hump, but it's pushing into something else that's going to be post-heavy, too. just have to keep plugging...

Friday, January 13, 2017

i've republished two more music videos.

1) inertia. this is dated to dec 28, 2013.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fdjPvgGh2qw


2) the time machine (vst mix). this is dated to july 5, 2014.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FtpW0Ve6t8A


Thursday, January 12, 2017

i think i'm going to do the chamber music comp, after all. not sure where i'm sequencing it...

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

i quit smoking one year ago. sort of, anyways. i've bought a handful of packs over the last year, either when i had set aside all nighters for drinking or i was going through my biyearly headclear. that's certainly a lot less than 350+ packs.

350*8 = $2800. $2800/12 = $233.33/month. so, $200+/month. where did it go? the answer is that i went to more concerts, and went to more expensive concerts. i also bought some new hardware. and, i bought a lot of cigarettes for $0.50 or $1.00 a piece.

but, after a year of social smoking, i'm taking the plunge. i made this choice at the detroit bus station in october, on the way to lansing to see touche amore: i'm going zero nicotine on jan 13th, 2017.

well, i've been smoke-free since the end of the headclear, which was on dec 26th this year. so, i'm already cold turkey over the last two weeks. this has been the norm for me for the last year: zero cigarettes for several weeks, then a binge for a night or maybe two, then zero for another several weeks, etc. so, nothing changes today or this week or probably even this month.

it will be in the spring that i'll have to face going to my first concert smoke-free.

but, this is it. it was a good year for me; i made a lot of progress in breaking habits. now, i need to spend the year finishing the job.
this is the second part of pulling the soundcloud site down. it's gone, now. these tracks may or may not end up here, but will moved to singles if they aren't.

most of my songs begin as conventional guitar songs before they get ripped apart and demented into various abstract concoctions. that means that a lot of my pieces have two different versions. i've always deferred the raw guitar versions to eventual live performances, but i'm at a space in life where i realize that these live performances are not likely to ever materialize. so, i'm going to compile the live/guitar versions of my larger pieces here.
 

it's unclear to me at this point where i will space this in my discography, but it will probably be around 2008.

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

i'm getting my predictable attack of nausea.

we're going to have a VERY early spring, here.
grargh.

this isn't the first time i've kind of had one of these reality checks: i moved here 3.5 years ago. the first six months were a wash, and then i was super productive for a year and really happy about it. and, now i've lost the last year and a half sorting through 20 year-old material, and now the last two weeks trying to reconstruct a journal of those 3.5 years.

i'm wasting a lot of time. or, at least it feels that way.

but, i need to reiterate: i'm done. the old material, anyways. it won't be much longer before i can be a little more forward thinking in at least approaching material that needs some live playing.

i know. i know. i'm feeling it, too. why do you think i'm having so much difficulty focusing? but, it will be soon enough.

what i'm upset about is not the amount of time i'm spending on the past but how little time i'm creating in the present. i have almost nothing done.

i'm going to finish the transfer of the soundcloud tracks to bandcamp tonight. it's just a handful of tracks, the most recent in late 2014. and it really demonstrates the sad point: i haven't done any live recording since april, 2015. i haven't even picked up a guitar. it's horrible.

but, soon.

here's those rough tracks. the tracklist will be updating over the next hour...

since i've moved to windsor, i've spent most of my time completing existing recordings. but, i have put aside a few demos for later, too. i'm just interested in sharing these, right now, so they'll be here for streaming, only. i initially had a soundcloud site for this, but i want to shut that down.

these tracks will eventually be moved out of this space, completed and placed on to singles, eps and lps for download.


Monday, January 9, 2017

the cold snap finally breaks today.

the long term looks reasonable. short winter? let's hope for it.

and i need to be far more productive today than i was most of last week.

it took me several days to get through may, 2014 and to the first new release in early june (dated to jan 10, 2001). but i don't have any serious hardware problems for a good year, now. so moving through the rest of 2014 should be relatively fast, so long as i actually do it.

can i get to the end of the year? i got stuck on the electronic symphony near the end of 2014. hopefully, i can get caught up to there if i'm really focused...

http://musicofjessicamurray.blogspot.ca/search?updated-min=2014-04-01T00:00:00-04:00&updated-max=2014-07-01T00:00:00-04:00&max-results=500

Friday, January 6, 2017

that was a scare...

i've been aware for a while now that something wants to destroy my archives.

listen: so long as it's open and in RAM, i can reconstruct it. and, i'll waste as much time as is needed to. it's kind of important.

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

so, i got roughly a month of opaque posts down today.

i want to say that i'll need to pick it up tomorrow. but, i know that the next batch of posts will be a little lighter, too.

i'm doing this until it's done. but, at the rate of a month/day? i'll be doing this until february. let's hope not...

http://musicofjessicamurray.blogspot.ca/search?updated-min=2014-01-01T00:00:00-05:00&updated-max=2015-01-01T00:00:00-05:00&max-results=500
i know i'm posting a lot of computer stuff to 2014 right now, but i had a lot of computer problems...

the bottom line is that i'm an electronic musician, that i've always been an electronic musician (since 1997, anyways) and that fighting with electronics is a big part of what being an electronic musician is all about. it's a nerds only kind of a job.

it's easy enough to be like "just because you're a nerd....", but you don't have to take my word for it. look around. if you avoid a few years of awful 70s and 80s hair metal, which you should avoid anyways, you'll quickly see that the historical record is actually quite uniform.

the person that i know of that has spoken about this most articulately is david bowie, who has admitted over and over again that the stories about drug use and partying (especially in berlin) were in actuality a way to hide the reality around how sterile and boring the recording process actually is. i know that he's on the record for this, over and over. in later years, he dropped the facade and just refused to talk about it, using the argument that he didn't want people to know how boring he is. he apparently use to install a punch card in the studio as a kind of sardonic joke, and make everybody clock in.

but, this reality is across the spectrum. i've heard everybody from roger waters to billy corgan to kevin shields to trent reznor talk about how dry and awful music production and touring is. which, in actuality, might be why all of that awful 70s/80s rock music took it upon themselves to go spinal tap in their promotional material.

i think the key point to keep in mind is that this is meant to be documentation, primarily. i'm publishing it as promo, because why not?, but it's meant for the historical record. if it's going to be interesting or appealing to people, it's going to be interesting or appealing to the same kind of people that enjoy studying journals of composers. which should not be confusing, at all.
i seem to have skipped the alter-reality. it's there, now.

http://rssmix.com/u/8219500/rss.xml
i'm posting....let's hope i can get most of the way through 2014 before i fall asleep....

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

so, i'm out of the shower and ready to get back to it, but i'm going to force myself to get some sleep and get at this again when i wake up...
the slow down of the last few days is coming to a close. i needed a lot of sleep over the last few days, partly from the 6 hour walk on the 31st and partly from the virus that i'm now largely over. it was about noon yesterday when i finished write-ups for the vlogs all the way until january 25th, so i won't need to worry about that for quite some time. as of this morning, groceries are done until at least the 18th (when i have to go out for an appointment). i have the first of two loads of laundry in; when that's done, i'll take a shower and probably go to sleep. but, i have nothing else to do until the 18th and have every intention to get a good chunk into the period disc by then.

i've got the new drive installed, and have moved a good deal of the data on to it, but i want to let it sit for a bit before i move forwards with it. i mean, what if it dies next week? if it makes it a week, my confidence in it will grow very quickly. this works out because i have all of those posts from 2014-2016 to post, still...

but, it spins. it's a good start, anyways.

Monday, January 2, 2017

this is consolidated: youtube, bandcamp, blogspot. i've shut down the delicious link dump, as it's superfluous after the move to blogspot and it was pushing ads in the feed (gross). i'm on the brink of closing down soundcloud, i just need to clear it out first. it's full of spam, because you have to pay to turn the comments off. facebook uses a proprietary feed algorithm, so they've been excluded by choice (that's just another reason to not use facebook). i would also like to add disqus, but they don't support this, either. i'm going to keep an eye out for a comment system that allows for rss and i'll no doubt use it exclusively if it presents itself. in the mean time, this is as much as i can put together in one place.

http://www.rssmix.com/u/8219212/rss.xml

even realizing what's going to push me...

i have to think i'll *start* by dual-booting 32/64 bit xp, and only move to 64 bit very slowly.

there's no use in getting too far ahead. what can i say about this very moment?

i did a huge amount of walking on saturday on no sleep while battling what seems like the flu. there was a delay before it knocked me out, but i spent the whole day sleeping.

i'm going to spend the night filing, which includes installing the new drive. i've got vlogs for the next month uploaded and have to do write-ups for them, as well. then i'll finish cleaning when the sun comes up, get in the shower at the end of it and then get back to what i was doing either tonight or tomorrow.

how much longer to finish posting 2014-2016? i don't know.
as mentioned elsewhere, the only wall i've had to scale or think i will ever need to scale is in ram. the newer vst sample plugin libraries want 16+ gb of ram, and i'd need to get to 64-bit to do it. that's a potential driver nightmare. it's likely workable, i just don't want to do it until i have to.

i'd have to reimage, to start with. it took a long time to build that image, and i don't want to even think about it. but, i'd certainly use 64-bit xp, fwiw. there's no benefit in upgrading; i just keep the machine offline.

what i'm wondering in the short-run is if i can convert one of these 250 gb drives into a pagefile. it would not be as fast, of course. but, it might potentially let me run a sampler.

this is entirely theoretical, right now: i haven't *actually* had an issue with a sampler that i can't resolve with the existing set-up. it's just that i see where the push factor is, and what's going to eventually force me to upgrade, one day. i'm going to eventually need more ram and have no choice...
actually, you know what? this is a moot point.

i'm not replacing my system partition; that is, my C: drive will remain on an older drive.

the new drive will neither launch the os, nor launch programs, nor do anything else that would be faster over ssd. it will simply store data.

i really just needed a lot more space.

there are currently 3 250 gb hdds in there. i bought it with four. it's split into a lot of partitions, including a 50 gb C: drive. one of the drives is solely for music, and that won't change. what i'm going to do is combine a lot of the smaller partitions together into a larger "discography" partition that will utilize the entire 2 TB drive. this will include things like wavs for burning cds and isos for burning dvds and blu-rays, as well as all of my source material, organized in iso files. so, it's all data storage.

as i move things to the new drive, it will open up space on the old drives. so, the remaining partitions (the virtual machine partition, the temp partition, the install script partition) will be able to grow. extra temp space will be useful, but it's otherwise not going to be much of a change.

again: i didn't buy this to increase speed. the machine is already blazing fast, because it's very well maintained (software. not hardware.). i bought it because i needed more storage space. and, that's the only change i'm expecting - more storage space.

so, why is my machine such a fast boot and yours so slow?

well, it's 32-bit. my hardware specs are pretty much maxed for 32-bit. but if you're running 64-bit then yours might be better. if you have an old machine, you know it. it's probably not why.

the reason is probably that i keep my software footprint to a bare minimum. i run regular scripts to clear out caches. nothing loads on start-up - not even backup services. and, the machine has xp on it.

so, i'm not disputing the premise. but, if i got a 25% increase in speed from an ssd, that would take my start-up time from ten seconds to 7.5 seconds. it would take my cubase launch time from 20 seconds to 15 seconds.

it hardly seems like it's worth the price, and the associated risk of using volatile storage on a system with very, very high data transfer rates.

what i needed was a lot of safe, permanent storage space. integrity. longevity. size. speed was not in the list of things that are of concern to me.
fwiw, my machine boots in seconds, anyways. it's about a ten second boot-up. you read through reviews of ssds and it's things like:

outlook launches in less than 30 seconds

dude. i don't run outlook, but it would be launching in less than 30 seconds on my machine, trust me. cubase takes about 20 seconds to launch.

if your machine takes more than 30 seconds to launch fucking outlook, you need more than a solid state drive. you need ram. you need a faster cpu. and you probably need a fucking reinstall of your os, too.

thirty seconds to launch outlook. jesus. what is it, 1998?

Sunday, January 1, 2017

this is completely backwards. the most important issues when you're buying a drive are:

1) data integrity.
2) longevity.
3) size.
4) price.

while ssds might be faster on paper, you will never experience the difference.

i've thought about this, and i'll simply never warm to volatile data storage. it's a contradiction in terms. and i consequently don't expect ssds to win, in the end.

https://www.yahoo.com/tech/battle-between-ssd-hdd-over-141508916.html

(edit: that article isn't opening for me. this one goes through the issues better - although the exaggeration around speed is comical. and, they talk about fragmentation as though it's the 1990s and they've never heard of a defrag.

http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2404258,00.asp)
i finally got some winter boots today for the first time in years. it doesn't seem to snow half as much here as it does in ottawa, so i haven't needed them, really. but we got a good dump a few weeks ago, which reminded me i should have something in case i *do* need them. i've had to trudge through snow drifts in running shoes in the past, and it....it destroys your shoes. you get boots to save your shoes.

but, the reason i'm posting is to update on a running gag i've had in place for years. i got a good deal, yet again, by buying kid's boots on sale. how small are my feet?

a children's size 6 - made for roughly 6 year olds - was actually just a little bit too big. i got them instead of the 5.5's, which were a closer fit, in case i wanted to double or triple up on socks....

if they were shoes, i would have got 5.5's. so, i can for real buy shoes made for 5 or 6 year olds. i just did. and i'm about 5' 9" - relatively tall, actually.

i've continually pointed to a few biological gender markers like this. i don't think gender is genetic, i think it's a social construct. so, i reject the idea that being trans is a genetic condition (which is the actual scientific consensus, outside of religious circles on the left and right). but, if you pay close attention to trans people, you *will* notice these kinds of things that make you wonder if the rejection of a monolithic social construct around gender does *sometimes*, or *often*, have coincidental biological causes. for me, the things i've noticed most prominently are a lack of body hair in certain regions (i've never grown a hair on my chest, ever) and hand and feet sizes that are pretty unambiguously not-male.

hormones don't change your shoe size, of course. but 36 year-old grown ass men don't fit into shoes made for 6 year-olds very often, either. that's an entirely biological observation, and one that almost never applies to dudes.

i'm not suggesting we should go around measuring kids' feet and assigning them gender roles based on it. i'm just a little hesitant to declare my absurdly small feet to be coincidental to my gender identity and would point geneticists to markers like this if they want to find something. that's more evidence, to me, of a biological cross-wiring than any desire to wear a specific kind of clothing.

i actually hope i never have to wear them. but i'm glad i have the option.

the boots were something that i needed anyways; i also picked myself up a new 2 TB hard drive for the recording machine this afternoon as my christmas/b-day gift to myself, with a combination of money sent to me and money saved from a quiet december.

i bought the recording pc in 2006 with four 250 gb hard drives. three of them are still spinning. the fourth melted into itself in march, 2014 (i couldn't have saved it...rather, i should be happy that it didn't take the whole machine down, or start an apartment fire).

the immediate purpose of the new drive is going to be to store the entire discography, including period discs with vlogs. i'm going to be working on this in the new year, so i did need this, now - i've waited long enough. but, as i work this through, i'm also going to be converting the drives into permanent storage. there's still not any way to get 100 or 200 gb on a disc; these 250 gb drives will ultimately be ideal storage solutions.

so, what that means is that i've now begun what will likely be a lengthy process of swapping out drives. in the end, all four of those 250 gb drives should be replaced by 2 TB drives.

it's a dual core 3.6. yes, it's ten years old. and, i actually *have* had a few reasons to think about upgrading to 64-bit, specifically issues around RAM. but, i still see no reason at all why i'd want a faster processor than that, and don't see why i ever will. i was aware that the technology was hitting a plateau around ten years ago, and that it was going to take fundamental shift to break through it; that machine could very well last another 20 or 30 years, so i'm comfortable in committing to a long term plan around upgrading it. 

Thursday, December 29, 2016

i don't want to say this is taking longer than i expected, because i expected it to take a long time. but, i'm behind.

march, 2014 is when the drive crashed. i then bricked my board. i will eventually fix this with the help of a magical device that i have to mail order from asia; in the mean time, i am stopping here to do some editing and cleaning. my throat is really raw, and i think it's partially the dust (although it would help if i went out sometimes).

i know i have dedicated alter-reality fans, and i apologize for the delays, but realize that this will work out to more stability in the long run. when i get all of this data arranged properly, i will be able to quickly generate liner notes for each successive release. remember that this is happening now because i'm finishing the final liner notes for inri000.

i'm actually going to crash, it seems. and i'll be stepping away from the machine for the day when i wake up.

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

i now have all of the notes from 2013 up:

http://musicofjessicamurray.blogspot.ca/search?updated-min=2013-01-01T00:00:00-05:00&updated-max=2014-01-01T00:00:00-05:00&max-results=50

scroll down and read up if you want the narration, i guess. or use the navigation in the side paine.

note: this will eventually be converted into a journal that is properly ordered, chronologically, and is therefore readable. but, this remains a necessary step to consolidate the data, for now.

i'm going to stop to clean up a little and get something to eat before i get back to it. but, i need to start the monthly cleaning when the sun comes up, and i'm going to do some editing while i'm cleaning, so i need to find a cut-off point.

how about this:

(1) 1/2014-5/2014  (when my motherboard was fixed)
(2) 6/2014-5/2015 (finishing period 2)
(3) 6/2015-6/2016 (predictable breakdown, this time due to interference)

i want to get (1) done before i get to cleaning in the morning. but, first i want to eat.

Sunday, December 25, 2016

since i've moved to windsor, i've spent most of my time completing existing recordings. but, i have put aside a few demos for later, too. i'm just interested in sharing these, right now, so they'll be here for streaming, only. i initially had a soundcloud site for this, but i want to shut that down.

these tracks will eventually be moved out of this space, completed and placed on to singles, eps and lps for download.

i'm trapped in an algorithm.

in order to close the liner notes for inri000, i had to have the sections since 2013 included, which meant i had to distribute the vlogs into this blog. in order to do this, i'd have to import my facebook page going back to last year. but, then i'd might as well import the entire facebook page since 2013, and then cut that up for the liner notes.

it doesn't make sense to do today's alter-reality until i've finished importing that page, and it could take a few days. this is necessary to complete the period disc, and i knew it was coming. it makes sense to do it now.

it means i'm going to be bogged down with data for a bit, and just listening to what i've finished over the last few months.

Saturday, December 24, 2016

here is the remaining alter-reality update to catch-up, although expect further alter-reality updates tomorrow and over the next few days.

dec 15th track:
http://therealinri.blogspot.ca/1996/12/demo-16-viewless.html

note at the end of exams:
http://therealinri.blogspot.ca/1996/12/a-little-worried-about-math-exam.html

starting christmas holidays:
http://therealinri.blogspot.ca/1996/12/supermans-dead.html

dec 22nd track:
http://therealinri.blogspot.ca/1996/12/in-completing-this-track-i-have-now.html

i'll close the record tomorrow. i'm going to be filing tonight, i guess.
these are the last two posts on the grapes of wrath:
http://therealinri.blogspot.ca/1996/12/finishing-grapes-of-wrath.html
http://therealinri.blogspot.ca/1996/12/final-thoughts-on-grapes-of-wrath.html

i still have two weeks to catch up on the alter-reality, which is going to include talking about exams and probably not much about christmas, but maybe a bit about christmas break. i'm going to release the first demo in the alter-reality on christmas day (which i think is actually true, as i remember running out of space on the 100 minute tape on christmas day and then writing liner notes while waiting for supper), which means i'm going to finally have the liner notes to close the first demo completely. so, even when i'm caught up, i'll still have a lot of writing to do. another consequence of finishing the first demo in the alter-reality is that the updates will be less regular, as i then get grounded for several months and don't get back to recording until the spring.

so, i have a lot of alter-reality work to do before i can get back to the real reality and get to finalizing the rest of period 1. but, when i do, the workload in the alter-reality should also decrease for a little while.
i finished reading the book yesterday, and then crashed hard before finishing the posts.

i got the post up for the song, yesterday:
http://therealinri.blogspot.ca/1996/12/this-is-new-song-that-i-wrote-this-week.html

i guess i'll post the rest of the posts together, when they're done.

Friday, December 23, 2016

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

i have the first week of posts up. i'm approaching this at a leisurely rate, due to my ongoing solstice celebrations, so i don't want to criticize myself for taking my time. i'd like to operate roughly in real-time, but the final purpose of this is historical and the slow down is by design, at the moment.

this is for the nov 24th track:
http://therealinri.blogspot.ca/1996/11/its-late-on-saturday-night-and-im.html

this is for the review of the second bush record:
http://therealinri.blogspot.ca/1996/11/its-rusty-razorblade-on-that-suitcase.html

this is my initial reaction to the first third of the grapes of wrath:
http://therealinri.blogspot.ca/1996/11/beginning-grapes-of-wrath.html

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

i seem to have lost yesterday filing, and most of today editing. but, i am in bed and have the pdf file open.

it's 30 chapters and 300 pages. i'm going to read it in three 10 chapter chunks and then analyze it in three sections.

of course, there's also the main content of the vlog that's coming up, and i've decided to post it early sunday mornings, then do the readings on sunday afternoons.

for right now, i'm focusing on finishing the readings so i can enjoy the solstice at midnight, and then do some writing afterwards. so, expect the first collection of updates late tonight or early in the morning.

Monday, December 19, 2016

period 1.2 will not fit onto a dual layer dvd. the idea was always experimental and is being withdrawn.

i'm going to finish watching vlogs this morning, get something to eat and spend the next few days reading.

these are the shortest days of the year. i'm looking forward to the days getting longer again.

Sunday, December 18, 2016

the next alter-reality update is a little bit different, as i'm thinking about how to close the first demo.

having the alter-reality online is a fun project and everything, and when it's done it will be neat to have a readable blog from the 90s (even if it's reconstructed...), but the actual purpose of the alter-reality is to write the liner notes for the early material in real-time. the entire blog will eventually be converted into the html front-end for the period disc. in the short run, it will be cut into sections and added to each bandcamp record in sequence.

the release date for inri000 is dec 25, 1996. so, i will need to have the first set of liner notes done before the new year. finding an algorithm that works and can be replicated for each successive release is going to be a process.

i need to finish generating the material, first. i've spent the afternoon planning these releases out around the steinbeck novel, which i'm going to start reading when i wake up tomorrow. i've also updated the interface on the blog to include quick links to songs and reviews.

http://therealinri.blogspot.ca/

for the rest of the night, i'm going to continue putting things in motion for tomorrow. i need to do some cleaning, and i need to take a shower. i'll be fresh in the morning.

i don't remember how long the book is, exactly, but i think it's a two or three day read. 400 pages? is that about right? i'm going to seek an online copy, so page numbers might not mean much. but, i'm going to want the first third done for the nov 24th update, the next third done for dec 1st and the final analysis for the 8th. i would have handed in an essay around the 10th or so.

fwiw, i'm sure i'm going to skip texts. but, i really can't think of anything else from grade 10.

there's also going to be a few record reviews, but the second half of 1996 was actually kind of a down point, for me. i think i spent christmas money exploring older records. that's not until next week...

Saturday, December 17, 2016

i am also now finished the aleph-disc for inriched:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inriched-box-set

nothing streams from the aleph-discs. nothing.

it is not necessary to include inri026 because the idea is in the archived versions of the record. so, there's no need to reach into 1.3 with it.

facebook is not co-operating, so i'm a little slow on the timeline update. but, i'm otherwise done up to the next aleph-disc, which is where i wanted to stop and catch-up on the other things. the next few days will be spent on vlogs & alter-reality. i'm actually looking forward to the steinbeck.
while the main purpose of the inriclaimed project was to remove the vocals from the records, i always intended to put a few tracks away and mix the vocals back in for an ep. this was actually factored into the logic that had me build a sequence of singles, in the first place. while there were tracks that i ruled out, i ended up mixing vocals back into most of those that i considered, constructing enough for a standalone lp.

there is no other way to get all of the vocal remixes at once. this release consequently fills an important functional gap in the discography.

this idea was developed in parallel to the inriclaimed project over the summer of 2015 and first compiled on nov 27, 2016. finalized on dec 17, 2016. lp005. as always, please use headphones.

this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (2015, 2016).

credits

released January 30, 1999

j - guitars, effects, bass, synth bass, synthesizers, sequencing, drum programming, sampling, cool edit synthesis, light-wave synthesis, found sounds, noise generators, sound design, digital wave editing, loops, vocals, vocal relics, production 

when i sat down to complete my discography in the fall of 2013, one of the first problems i came up against was what to do with my first two proper records, inri (jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-3) and inriched (jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inriched). in some sense, these records were complete: they were early works, but they were complete recordings and the records were sequenced with quite a bit of detail. it would not be right to modify them in a structural sense, as they were completed as they were when they were. however, the mixes had been degraded rather substantially through compression and the vocals had a lot of problems. further, i knew the source material was incomplete, but did not actually check the master tapes to see how incomplete they were.

i decided that the best thing to do was to try and remaster them using izotope. the result was noticeably "better", and they were released in that form. i also released a compilation of shorts that focused on instrumental sections as inricycled b. however, i had to make a lot of compromises to get to that point. further, the fact that i couldn't remove the vocals continued to bother me.

i finally got around to digitizing the tapes in december of 2014, as an archival step. i did not expect to be able to do anything with this material, but i wanted it digitized to prevent the tapes from deteriorating further. what i learned through this process was that the masters were far more complete than i thought. samples and continuity were missing, but i seem to have dumped most of the sequencing and a lot of the digital noise generation. this forced me to rethink what i was able to present. i decided that if i was going to go through these tracks and recreate them then i was going to do it comprehensively, which would mean completely recreating a number of the tracks. i decided that this would be a project better left for a later date.

by june of 2015, i had made it through the discography to the end of the second period and began finalizing the aleph sequence of dvd and bd flac/mp3 compilations. i decided that the only cohesive way to present period one is as a single disc, which meant i needed to address reconstructing the tracks immediately in order to close it.

the material was digitized via the exact same tascam four-track it was recorded on to, sent out track by track. however, the material was bounced heavily when it was recorded, which means the digitized tracks generally have multiple parts. the four tracks generally exist as follows:

1) an electronics track. drum machines, synths, sequencers, loops, noises.
2) a guitars track. there are usually several guitar parts in this one track.
3) a bass track, or a synth bass track.
4) a vocal track.

unfortunately, digitizing the tracks one by one left them out of sync at a rate of around a half a second per minute, but there is no clear pattern in how they are out of sync. shifting them back in sync was a time consuming process done in cubase by importing the remastered tracks and trying to find markers in the wave files, then using a sort of "newton's method" to compress or decompress the files until they lined up with the master. this issue was compounded by the fact that the initial masters were sometimes subtly out of time. once they were shifted back in sync, the tracks had to be equalized very carefully to try and isolate the constituent parts. for example, a track with a drum machine and a synth may have been split across a high and low shelf to isolate them in the mix. with the exception of this heavy equalization work (and amp simulation for the bass parts), these songs have not been modified from their original form - except to remove the vocals.

this release has rendered the previous inri009, inricycled b, as superfluous and consequently replaces it in the sequence. it has now been moved to inri022.

i am very happy to finally be able to present this material in a form that i would find listenable, today, as an adult. this has been a very long process. i hope you feel that the results were worth the effort put into it, periodically, over many years.

initially written and recorded between 1996-1999 and remixed over the summer of 2015, with a lengthy pause due to malfunctioning electronics. final compilation date is jan 3, 2016. finalized dec 17, 2016. lp004. as always, please use headphones.

* download only

credits

released January 29, 1999

j - guitars, effects, bass, drum programming, synthesizers, sequencers, found sounds, noise generators, vocal relics, digital wave editing, sampling, production.


when i sat down in late 2013, my intent was just to collect all of the tracks that were leftover. however, it became apparent quickly that i had a pile of these weird, glitchy remixes that i meant to do something with, but just never did anything with. they seemed to form an idea of their own, so i split them off into this inrimixed ep.

i feel that this decision was a good one, and that this collection has now become an important part of the discography - so much so that i am adding some tracks to it that were initially overlooked and then promoting it to 'remix lp'.

i need to be clear that this is a remix lp full of damaged, glitchy mixes. these tracks were left unscathed by the great remastering of 2013-2016. many of them are sourced from 112 kbps mp3 files, or worse. some are sourced from mono. i'm presenting the artifacts in the compression as a part of the glitch aesthetic. but, these are truly sad excuses for waveforms.

example: the cover art is actually the waveform for track 2; similarities to the mirror reflection of the cover of any seminal eponymous records from the late 60s are purely coincidental. waveforms like that do not bear any resemblance to any physical reality whatsoever. they fail, as waveforms. yet, these are the waveforms we have before us, and these are the sounds that such absurd waveforms make.

i suppose that the reason i have all of these glitchy mixes from the period is that i was planning on making a glitch lp. it's not that i specifically recall that as being wrong, so much as it is that my memories of it being right are not of clear strength. i sort of remember wanting to make a glitch record. the evidence exists that i wanted to make a glitch record. now i have the glitch record that it seems like i always wanted to make. at the least, my current self very much likes the idea that i released a glitch record in 1999.

constructed over 1998. compiled and remastered in late 2013. the first two tracks were corrected to stereo in sept, 2014. the last two tracks were added for re-release as a remix lp in dec, 2016. as always, please use headphones.

credits

released January 28, 1999

j - guitars, effects, bass, synthesizers, piano, drum programming, sequencing, vocals, cool edit synthesis, noise generators, found sounds, sampling, loops, sound design, digital wave editing, digital effects processing, noise reduction, a broken tape deck, production.