Tuesday, May 22, 2018

again: it's like 2 hours of chain-smoking marijuana.

this happens several times a week.

and, all i can do is bring this journal to court as evidence of how terribly it's affecting my quality of life, and my enjoyment of the space.
it's 10:00 pm on a fucking tuesday.

people do things like shower and read at 10:00 on a tuesday.

they don't sit around and get so fucking stoned they can't see.

you fucking loser...

and, it's like....be a fucking loser...i don't care...but go be a fucking loser in a parking lot, or in a field. don't do it somewhere where everybody else has to fucking deal with it.

you self-centered, worthless piece of shit.

it just makes me so fucking angry that these people can still exist, that people are raised so fucking terribly that they lack basic concepts of decency and respect for the people around them - or the self-respect to not be responsible for stinking up the whole goddamned block.

how does somebody have such little respect for themself that they don't care if people have made multiple requests to stop fucking blazing all the time? how can people have such little regard for their own integrity that they can look somebody in the eye and say "i am a habitual marijuana smoker, and i don't care if it makes everybody else sick".

it's revolting.

repulsive.

and remarkable that anybody could sanction this kind of behaviour.

there is no excuse for this. there really isn't.
yeah, well go read somebody else's blog if you don't like my attitude. i don't fucking care.

i hate this woman, i hate this place and i hate this situation.

it's disgusting. through and through. revolting.

yuck.
then they claim she's "depressed".

well, maybe if she'd get off her ass and stop smoking so much pot and lose some fucking weight then she'd be less depressed, huh?

don't let them tell you it's "medicinal".

she's just a worthless, piece of shit drug addict.
you see how these things go together: lazy, fat, pothead ?
she's too lazy to go for a walk.

that's why she's so goddamned fat.
i need to reiterate: the problem here is not access to this drug. most users are responsible.

the problem here is that this worthless piece of shit is too inconsiderate to go for a walk.
yeah, she's blazing tonight.

disgusting.

thankfully, the windows are able to be left wide open, so it's just more that it smells like a cat being raped than anything else, but the absolute revulsion of the stench is itself fairly horrific.

hopefully, she's gone, soon.
i stopped this morning right before i got to the end of season 5.

there's now less than 2 months and less than two hundred pages before i get to the hookup with the blog, and the project flips over to archiving...

the audio closure also began in mid 2016, meaning i should be able to do some alter-reality work soon, too.

i wanted to eat and get to looking through listings this morning. instead, i crashed hard after the smoothie and feel like i should wait until tomorrow.

i wasn't as productive over the second half of the weekend as i'd have liked to have been. and all the listings i saw last week were for july...if  can get a good 24 hours in, i think that's a better use of time tonight....

how's the air quality?

it's sporadic. she smoked a nasty joint last night, and it was still lingering deep into the morning. as mentioned, i slept all day - and i'm waking up feeling pretty awful. but, what i am is dehydrated, and i actually think it's partially from the air conditioner.

we're getting some nice hot & humid days this week, so i should be able to keep the windows open to fight the air. it really hasn't been warm enough out to turn the a/c on at all this spring. again: i don't understand these people. you turn the a/c on when it's 20 degrees out? what? i'd still have the heat on...20 degrees is cold...

what i'm going to say is that she's stopped smoking, except when it's raining. of course, that's the worst, because i can't always open the windows in the rain. but, you have to keep in mind that she has no legal obligation to smoke outside, either. this is a frustrating situation where nobody seems to know what the law is, and nobody seems to much care what it would be, if they did. it makes it difficult to react legally; neither the tenants nor the landlords care about the law or behave in ways consistent with it or intend to have to deal with it. anarchism isn't the idea that we don't follow laws, it's the idea that we don't need cops to force us to, and they're actually both failing that test, here - these are people that need a state to tell them what to do, because they can't figure it out on their own.

so, the landlord is illegally asking her to smoke outside, and she's mostly doing it, but it's not any kind of real solution. when she does decide to smoke inside, it lingers for days and makes me sick. the landlord is refusing to implement a real solution, which would be patching up the holes in the floor. he's really behaving illegally towards both of us, creating this false scenario of imaginary compromise. and, i think he's clueless enough to show up in court and say "i asked her to smoke outside...." and think that absolves him of liability. it doesn't. if he's not going to fix the floors, he needs to pay me out.

so, i'm going to work until i'm so hungry i have to stop.

Saturday, May 19, 2018

i had migraines for months after this, but i haven't had a single one since i moved.

i just want to tie two things together. i was convinced that this space was under the influence of some kind of magnetic interference, and it was fucking with my headphones making it impossible to mix; aphasia is thought to be the result of a wave of energy running through your brain, and disrupting certain functions. are these consequences of the same thing?

and, if so, was i being attacked for demonstrating that clinton was rigging the primary?

it's a strange thing to film your life, and piece together the oddities after the fact.

but, i keep pointing out that if this is what is happening then it is utterly foolish; the best way to deal with me was always to ignore me. if i just could have been mixing over this period, none of this would have happened. and, i might be done period 3.

Thursday, May 17, 2018

so, i got a start on it - sent some emails, left some messages. i don't expect to hear back from anybody until tuesday.

the market is sort of what i expected - it's not awful, but it seems like it's thin. i think it should open up next week.

i have not technically given notice, but i've asked for the lease to be broken on august 1st. so, i can play this both ways.

how's the air? well, i have the windows wide open. i can smell it, but it's not affecting me. i can't always have the windows open...

i've actually had a long day, which is nice, although i've spent a lot of it blaring merzbow at the neighbour sitting outside, to get her to smoke somewhere else.

it's a shitty situation. if i close the windows, i get overwhelmed by the pot (& the a/c). if i keep them open, i have to deal with the neighbour smoking - literally right underneath the window. there's no reason she has to smoke right there, and i've asked her not to, but she's just a worthless, selfish piece of shit that doesn't care - so i can't care about her, if she won't care about me. so, i'm just blaring merzbow out the window whenever she goes out to get her to fuck off - and it's definitely getting to her. like, i think i saw her crying. good.

i'll be happy to get the fuck out of here.

for right now, the day is over and i'm still awake, so i'm going to get to rebuilding, i guess. i don't want to eat again until the morning. and i have no idea how long i'll stay awake for.

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

i'm once again the healthiest person in the world.

hormone levels are good, too.
ok, that gets me right through to the end of march.

the air quality over the last 24 hours was better; i could smell it, but it wasn't coming up in plumes. it may have been third hand smoke. i don't know.

let's see how far into season 5 that i can get before i stop.

there's less than 200 pages left in the document, from april 1st to june 19th. i could do that in a weekend. so, this is nearly done.

Monday, May 14, 2018

that's another ten days of march.

i wanted to finish march first, but it's time to eat.

at the moment it's cool but crisp in here. we'll see how long that lasts.

Sunday, May 13, 2018

no sane person wants to be stoned by themselves at 10:30 on a sunday night. that is a time when people do things like read, clean, eat, etc.

if that sounds like "fun" to you, please seek the aid of an addictions counsellor.
for the record, i am once again stoned by myself and having difficulty focusing when i would rather be reading and thinking.

this is a profoundly negative experience that is dramatically affecting my quality of life, for the worse.
yeah, as soon as i post that it's tolerable, she starts smoking again.

i need to get out...
so, i haven't moved since friday night, except to sleep in short shifts, naps, and to get up to eat, or use the washroom. i took a junk food run last night...

i'm through the first half of march, which closes season 4 and takes me into the start of season 5. the music vlog picks back up again in mid june, so i'm down to three months to fill the gap. and, the period one discs start closing in early july.

the air quality has actually been alright over the last 24 hours. i'm not sure exactly what the reason for this is, but it might have to do with the fact that the heat came back on. she seems to have made eggs last night and then stopped. i'm not expecting the situation to last.

that said., if it were to stay exactly like this, it would be fine. and i'm still not excited about moving...

i haven't given a technical notice to move yet, but i'm still planning on starting to look on wednesday. i'm going to need a very lengthy period of clear air to have me change my mind, at this point.

i don't know exactly what the market looks like right now.

Saturday, May 12, 2018

ok, i'm through february.

the air quality in here is horrendous, but there's not any use in pretending i can do anything about it until the court date. it's not just the marijuana, it's the cigarettes. and, it's enough that it is physically making me sick - i have a brutally sore throat, which is a condition that i'm not used to at all.

i'm only still awake because i haven't eaten in 36 hours. it's time to eat....

i will have to call on monday or tuesday to ask about the other room, and i'll point out that there has been no change in habits. i don't expect a response, but whatever.

i can't articulate how disgusting the situation is, or how profoundly negatively it is affecting me. it's just constant. she simply doesn't stop smoking. ever.

Friday, May 11, 2018

i had to eat a little early after the blood test, and then ended up crashing, but it was merely a nap. nonetheless, i've been blurry all night - i think the coffee's finally started working again.

that said, the air quality seems to be better tonight. hope i didn't waste it. let's get started...

Thursday, May 10, 2018

i got my blood taken. almost fainted, and i think he left a bruise. whatever.

seems like a boring weekend here. well, relative to my tastes. and, the weather is not conducive to drunken adventures and/or mindless dancing.

i think i'm staying in....

that will give me the chance to try and get through a good chunk of what's left, and get ready for serious house-hunting on...

...wednesday, actually. just 'cause i have the follow-up on tuesday, and it compartmentalizes that way.

could i get done by tuesday?

well, that depends on how much time i'm forced to waste sleeping.
*sigh*.

another day cut-off early due to tiredness caused by second-hand smoke.

i'm going to nap now so i can get up to get to the lab.

these people shouldn't exist. they shouldn't be allowed to exist. they should just disappear.
and, it's another thing, though: why are you so boring that you smoke drugs at the same time every day?

why not be a little more spontaneous about it?

it's another thing that takes the fun out of drugs.

fuck schedules.
maybe i should make something clear.

my schedule is erratic. but, generally speaking, 4:20 am is neither the beginning of the day for me, nor is it the end of it.

it's often just a point in the middle of it.

today, i want to be awake all morning and go to an appointment around noon.

i do not want to be stoned.

i do not want to go to sleep.

at all.

Wednesday, May 9, 2018

the smoke in here was heavy tonight (and i'm documenting this for the court date.), but the windows are also completely wide open. the wet weather is helping a lot....

i just finished season 3, which is up to february 8th.

time to eat. and fast.

and, hopefully i get another good chunk in afterwards.
today is a good example of how the smoke from downstairs is degrading my quality of life.

i woke up late in the evening, meaning i should have been able to stay awake until the afternoon, at least. but, she started blazing at 7:00, and i was passed out like a rock by 8:00 - and not able to molve again until after 2:00.

i wanted to hit my blood test this morning; i even fasted overnight for it. instead, i wasted the day sleeping.

i wanted to get my estrogen tested, but then i got high.

...even though, i'm of course not actually getting high, i'm just getting a headache and falling asleep.

:(.

i ended up leaving in a dirty rush - uncombed hair, unshaved face. like, just gross looking. but, i forgot my sheet, so i had to go back home.

i guess i'll have to try again tomorrow.

i got up to the end of january done last night and i'm going to try and push through a little further tonight.

i need to start looking for a new apartment on monday at the latest.
so, i got a message this afternoon denying my request to move the hearing up. what they said was that changes to the process are going to lead to longer delays, and i was simply scheduled as quickly as i could be.

i've looked into the amending process as well, and the person i talked to on the phone seems to have misunderstood what i requested.

i can't walk into a hearing on july 5th with the possibility of severing the lease on august 1st, and hope it's extended until september or october. that's insane. i could end up homeless. i mean, i should have more faith in the system than that, but i'm not into taking stupid risks.

so, the realistic options i have in front of me are to withdraw & resubmit or to negotiate an exit to the lease, and use the hearing strictly for the purposes of requesting damages.

i don't think that the owners are going to have a problem with me giving them notice.

i've decided that i need to move. there's no way around it. now, the hallways are full of shit again, too; this place is disgusting. no, let me be more clear: this place is full of disgusting people. if i don't get damages, i'm going to need to move, anyways, even if i have to leave some furniture behind. so, i'd might as well just give them 60 days.

i need to get my bloodwork done tomorrow. i was hoping to spend the day working, but i should get a few hours in, at least.

and...i guess i should start looking for august 1st asap.

this sucks. but there's not a better answer.

Tuesday, May 8, 2018

maybe i am feeling a little unusually hungover after all.

i finally crashed about 6:00 this morning, and i've barely been able to move, since. but, i actually think that this has a lot to do with the downstairs tenant's move back to indoor smoking, because i was fine before that happened - and it's whatever that she's smoking that consistently knocks me out like this, rather than anything else.

i didn't do anything today except sleep.

and, i'm still feeling tired & miserable in the familiar way caused by that second-hand smoke. but i'm going to try and get up to eat.
it has to be unusually high cbd, and almost no thc, because it really does just give you a headache and make you want to sleep for a week.

she'd might as well just be taking valium...

and, i'm left to wonder: did she ever smoke recreationally? does she know what marijuana is supposed to feel like, or did she just get diagnosed by some quack and pushed something that is powerful enough that some people think it might help with heroin addiction?

the kind of pot i'm used to smoking here and there is not going to help anybody with heroin addiction. i think i want to avoid anything that's been engineered to be that powerful, that's for sure.

Monday, May 7, 2018

she's been blazing hard since she got into that fight downstairs, and i just have to repeat what i've said before: the pot she's smoking doesn't get you high, it just makes you overwhelmingly tired. it's like getting hit with a tranquillizer. why does she even enjoy this?

on saturday night, i drank two shots of jager before i left, took a shot of vodka at the bus stop (don't ask.), drank half a rockstar vodka on the way to hamtramck, had four beers at the bar, finished the rock star vodka, nearly chugged a tall boy and then got through three cranberry somethings of questionable integrity before i blacked out, all without falling asleep. in between, i found some random hits of pot.

but, the second hand smoke from the "medical" marijuana user downstairs is frequently enough to physically knock me out.

it's nasty stuff, whatever it is.

don't expect to have any fun smoking this buzzkill prozac shit...
how's the smoke situation?

for a few days, it seemed like the "medical" user below me & the tobacco smokestack outside my window had become hard and fast friends, sitting outside and smoking together and bonding over their shared love of constant inebriation. that made it impossible to open the window, but seemed to keep the smoke outside of the unit, reducing the environmental problem solely to the a/c.

but, this relationship does not appear to have lasted; their dogs appear to have ended up fighting, and the 'medical' user is now back inside.

worse, she may now have anxiety about smoking outside because she's afraid of the neighbour.

*shrug*.

again: it's probably better that this happened sooner. i was worried that i might withdraw, only to have the situation immediately reverse.

but, i shouldn't be surprised that they couldn't stay friends for more than a few days, should i?

i got my rescheduling request in this morning. i'll call tomorrow to request a response.

Friday, May 4, 2018

so, i can try both things.

1) i can fill out a form to push the date forward.
2) if that gets denied, i can fill out a form to amend the application.

i'll get that in on monday.

meaning i can relax my mind a little this weekend.
i'm going to call now, i can't wait.
on the flip side of it, there's always going to be some chance this woman could have a heart attack or move out or get hit by a train or something over the next couple of months.

i guess the later court date makes the potential of working with management more plausible.

but, i really don't want to stay here any more, either. everybody on this street is a drunk and an addict. i want to get into a more stable atmosphere that's more conducive of healthy living.

i don't fit in here...
yeah.

i need one of the following.

1) move the court date up to may or june for the purposes of an august termination date.
2) move the requested termination date forward to october, to make sense of the july hearing date.
like, i don't know what i'm doing on canada day, but i know i won't be spending it in this building with these people.
i may have to stay in this summer to save up to move.
it's going to be terrible music and stoned idiots for days...
i really don't want to be anywhere near this place on the day it's legalized.

i want to be in a nice cold burrow somewhere.
or, i'm going to have to plan to move on august 1st, regardless.

if i don't get moving costs, i can't move my furniture. and it would probably cost less to buy new furniture than it would to move it.

no; i need to call.

first thing monday morning.
my hearing is on july 5th, which is a major problem.

i mailed the forms on april 20th, expecting a hearing date some time at the end of may. that would give me a ruling in june, allow me to give last month's rent for july and move at the beginning of august.

i picked this timeline because the rental market is generally better for low-rent tenants in the summer. i'm competing with students.

if i cannot get the hearing until july, i am going to want to apply last month's rent to september and move on october 1st - the worst time of the year for moving.

and, i will no doubt end up in the same mess.

also, i really wanted to be out of this place before a recreational legalization date is set, as i don't want to be around these people past that date.

ugh.

i'm going to have to call them and see if i can get it moved up...
i am, indeed, stoned.

again.

:(.
and, it's not a little puff.

it's chain smoking.

for hours....

it's twenty minutes later, and it's still coming.

all i can do is maintain the journal for court.
again.

4:20 on a weekday morning.

by herself.

pathetic.

she thinks she's cool, though.
random example: i have two laptops on my coffee table.

one of them is a compaq evo from 2006 that has a broken video card and a 4gb of ram limit in it and is being sent out to a monitor (it's worthless.), and the other is a heavy duty compaq notebook from 1998 with 1 gb of ram and completely unserviceable parts.

i have a third laptop with a short in the system board.

you'd be lucky to get somebody to take this for free.

i have two pairs of speakers, both manufactured in the 1970s, and connected to receivers from the 1970s and the 1980s.

i have cathrode ray tube television set from the early 90s that i haven't plugged in since i moved in.

i have a jx-8p with no keys on it, and an ibanez strat copy with no electronics in it.

and, the components of my system that actually work are low end alesis units that i bought at the end of their life: a mixer that requires a firewire connection, an electronic drum kit that they stopped making in the 90s....

it's a bounty of wealth to me.

but, it's a pile of trash to the market.
fwiw, this apartment is full of broken and obsolete electronics that have virtually no resale value.

broken synthesizers, broken laptops, cheap guitars, a 15 year old pc with windows xp on it - it's not worth it.

the most valuable item in here is actually the couch.

i have no substantive income. i just buy a lot of things at pawn shops. it looks like a lot of expensive gear, but it isn't - it's a lot of hand me downs, a lot of legacy items bought on the cheap, stuff bought at pawn shops or garage sales and a lot of broken equipment waiting to be fixed.

you'd be lucky to get $500 from all of it, combined.

honestly.

the premise of a disabled person with an apartment full of expensive gear doesn't make sense; it doesn't make sense because it isn't true.

i'll point this out, though: you save a lot of money when you spend most of your life sober. you could no doubt buy some shiny things with all the money you literally burned away on drugs.
unlike you, i am a civilized and educated person that will use legal means to accomplish my goals, rather than intimidation and violence.

i did not intend to move into a drug-infested crack house.

but, i willingly concede that i don't fit in here, and am in the process of asking the court to get me out of the lease. you'll have to wait until this process completes before i can leave.

that said, your issue is with management, and not with me. i did not ask for a smoking ban, which is not legal to begin with. i asked for renovations in the unit below me, to ensure i had access to fresh air - a reasonable request in any conceivable context.

i should have been told about the nature of the building before i moved in; i would not have chosen this building had i known what it's like, here. again: this is negligence on behalf of management. and, you'll have to wait the situation out.

that said, i don't expect that the prohibition on smoking - which is not legal - will lift when i move, nor that i had anything to do with it, anyways. they were no doubt going to do this, anyways. it's a part of the new lease process, in effect on may 1st.

i might be an easy scapegoat, but you will regret any foolish behaviour. there are cameras in the building. and, there is only one suspect on this floor.

i will prosecute anybody involved to the full extent of the law.
once again: i need to warn people that i will have no problem giving you a criminal record if you do anything stupid that harms me.

i will defend myself, but i will not retaliate. i will ruin your life with a felony charge, instead.

and, i will send you to jail, if i can.

Thursday, May 3, 2018

as i've stated many times, the correct way to listen to my records is with a pair of high quality phones, and free of outside distractions.
i'm not an 'entertainer' and i've never wanted to be one, either.

i wouldn't have the slightest idea how to put together a concert, and i'd probably never get over the stage fright. the few times i've been on stage, i've tended to face away from the crowd. have you ever seen footage of robert fripp? i'm boring like that.

i don't have "charisma".

i don't enjoy being the centre of attention.

i'm a studio musician - a producer, a behind-the-scenes type. and, if i was ever going to play in a band, it would be in a supporting role, like a bassist or a keyboard player.

i've never imagined that i'm ever going to perform any of this material. it's always been intended as purely recorded music...

that said, there was a period when i considered going to a production school. i'm not sure if i regret not going, or not. i think i would have run into the same basic problem, in the end - i wouldn't have been interested in making other people's music, and i'd just have ended up with a lot of skills i was able to teach myself, anyways. i'd almost certainly be where i am today, anyways.

i don't have a barrier preventing me from dealing with people, so much as i have an actual disinterest in dealing with people - i don't want some cure to make me more social, i want supports to allow me to exist in my vacuum.
judges really need to have a basic science education.
well...

i was looking forward to the rain to get the woman next door off the porch.

but, it seems like that was all the woman downstairs needed to stay inside to blaze.

she coughed less when she went outside, too. now she's hacking again. secondhand smoke is terrible for you.

there's no future here. i'm going to have to start looking on monday.

Wednesday, May 2, 2018

i'm glad i checked out what tricky's been up to over the last 20 years before blindly going.

i don't expect that i'd enjoy this concert.
i did a lot of walking in the sun on monday, but i got plenty of sleep monday night and tuesday morning.

that said, i didn't sleep much on the weekend, either.
...and, i actually slept all day.

i clearly needed it; i was exhausted for some reason.

i don't know why.

i still don't smell drugs in here, and i'm happy about the temperature.

i guess it's possible that my cycle just got out of sync. the fact is that i usually sleep in the afternoon.

but, it doesn't explain the red eyes when i got up to urinate this morning.

i should be awake all night, tonight. we'll see what it smells like.
it's weird.

i feel hungover.

i haven't had a drink, a toke or a cigarette since april 13th, at the last concert i went to. it's been second-hand smoke since.

i think i slept through a session, but i can't remember it, so how can i react?

but i'm just dead fucking tired.

i think i should have gotten most of the way through january yesterday, so i'm ok with carrying forward.

i'm going to eat, and then focus on cleaning in the other room, regardless of the situation. hopefully that wakes me up.

we're getting rain tonight and i'm excited about it. this might be my song this summer...

i'm not sure that she's even home.
tonight is weird, and not useful.

the smell is faint; it could be coming from anywhere, very much unlike the nights where it's pluming in from one direction.

i feel stoned. but, i'm also dehydrated and tired, and i'm having difficulty smelling anything at all.

i should be a little tired, but not like this.

so, i can feel the effects of the drug, but i can barely smell it, i can barely smell anything, and i'm not sure where it's coming from.

i might just be tired and dehydrated. which is kind of the same thing as being stoned, right?

i passed out a few hours ago. i'm just going to drink water and get some rest.
well...

i'm not certain it's coming from downstairs.

ugh.
she appears to be smoking inside tonight.

i'm going to have to start looking for something tomorrow.

Tuesday, May 1, 2018

so, the next period is from jan 10th to june 19th, when the music blog reappears, and it's about 500 pages, mostly from the primary phase of the election.

i found the primaries more interesting than the general; i didn't tune out entirely after bernie lost, but i never really saw trump as substantively different than clinton, or clinton as worth supporting for any other reason than to beat trump, so i more or less gave up on the election having an acceptable outcome when the candidates were announced.

i suspect a lot of americans had that feeling, too - and it's probably why trump won.

we'll see in the end if i want to carry through with this or not, but i should at least get a skeleton up.

remember that the main focus is the master list for the aleph discs.
the bay windows may indeed save the day.

let me try and get some work done.
great.

now, this smokestack next door has her friends over. maybe we've found the source of the windsor hum?

i'm considering lobbing al bundy jokes out the window.

ladies: i know grazing season is starting, but you seem to be lost; the grass is over there.
well...

there's currently not any smoke coming up from downstairs.

the woman next door is, however, chain smoking outside my window.

she appears to have been drunk before noon - cigarettes and vodka, the breakfast of champions.

this place is full of real winners.

so, i'm going to have to wait a few hours to clean up the bedroom. i've cleaned up the kitchen.

i want to start looking for something, but i'm going to give the situation one more chance. i could still cancel the application, remember.

and, i think i need to know how they're going to be admitting new tenants. are they going to make new tenants sign a no smoking clause? i didn't know this was coming, and it might be what she was talking about; while there is not a new law banning smokers, she may have been referring to the company's new lease policy when she was talking about a "law banning smoking inside" and how "existing tenants are grandfathered". i mean, she sounded like she was just full of shit. but, i can at least put together a broken thought, now. if so, i like my chances on this space becoming more habitable. because this is also a screen - smokers are bad tenants, all around. they're bad people, broadly speaking. a no smoking policy is going to mean a safer building, all around.

i would expect that rents in non-smoking buildings will be higher than rents in smoking buildings.

and, that smoking buildings are going to be horrifically disgusting carcinogenic tinder boxes....
we'll have to see how the courts interpret this, but the intent seems to be to make it easier for the landlord to evict smokers.

the residential tenancies act says nothing about smoke, and this observation is actually explicitly stated in the new lease. but, by including a smoking section in the lease, the landlord can conceivably remove a tenant for breaching the lease.

further, the smoking section is explicitly treated differently than the pets section; prohibition against pets is explicitly stated as void.

so, the government appears to be telling the courts that landlords have the right to discriminate on these grounds - and that is the appropriate legal language. we'll see what the courts say.

but, i don't expect that this new lease process will withhold a legal challenge - i expect that the court will strike down the smoking provision as overly broad.

unfortunately.

www.forms.ssb.gov.on.ca/mbs/ssb/forms/ssbforms.nsf/GetFileAttach/047-2229E~2/$File/2229E(Static).pdf
i needed to catch up on some sleep. i'm awake now....

it actually seems pleasant in here, right now.

you don't learn a lot from a physical. my blood pressure is 110/70, after a brisk walk on a nice day, so that's in a healthy range. i'll get my blood work done at the end of the week and go back mid-month.

he's never heard of estradiol hemihydrate and can't comment on the chemical differences. he'd refer me to the specialist in town, but the specialist in town won't talk to me, because he doesn't think i'm effeminate enough. *shrug*.

i'm not going to switch meds without a good talk with somebody. i might call the specialist myself.

i got my puffer refilled...

the rest of the day was spent grocery shopping, and i got a lot of the month's purchasing done, as lots of things were on sale. but, i can't find any chocolate soy.

i crashed in the evening and again overnight. i wanted to clean in here this morning but will do it today, instead.

i also woke up to a familiar annoyance: an air conditioner.

:(.

i don't understand why people don't enjoy the heat. we're tropical animals. we're supposed to like it when it's 30 degrees out.

right now, i'm in the frustrating scenario of having to deal with smokers outside and an a/c downstairs, and i don't know what is going to be worse. am i going to want to keep the windows closed because of the smokers, or open them because of the a/c?

this is such a disgusting, saddening scenario. and, again: i like the space, but the problem is the people around me.

it would be nice if i could just open the window - a/c or not - to let the fresh air in. you'd think that's a pretty basic human request. alas...

at least i have the bay windows. i'm hoping the temperature comes up nicely due to the sunlight through the glass fairly soon.

Monday, April 30, 2018

ok.

i'm at the exit point i wanted, which is when i finished my first record and then quit smoking.

i don't get back to the music again until june. there will no doubt be some posts made - to the alter-reality, reviews, show nights - but the music vlog is actually pretty much done. like, it's filled in the way i wanted it to be, from 2013--->2016.

that leaves me with roughly 1000 word doc pages left to rebuild the rest of 2016 with, most of it for the politics site, and i'm questioning whether i want to do this now or not. i have to at least sort through it. but i may be a little but picky about what i'm posting to the politics site, leaving the full rebuild for later.

i don't know what to expect this morning. i'm going to hand this woman a check and a letter, and tell her that the tenant below me is completely ignoring the new non-smoking policy, and continuing to chain smoke marijuana inside - as expected. i shouldn't expect her to do anything about this. but, then, why did she go around and hand out these notices?

the reason she did this was that the tenant below me was complaining that it wasn't fair that everybody else was allowed to smoke and she wasn't - again, just total grade school reasoning. but, they wanted to appear fair. so, they put this rule in place. and, now she's the only one not following it.

if i was the owner, that would really piss me off - you put a policy in place to accommodate her, and she just spits in your face. that would tell me that she has no interest in working with management.

but, it's not clear what they can substantively do about it, due to the absurd laws in this province that make it nearly impossible to throw her out.

it's a really surreal situation. this nihilistic drug addict has got us all held hostage, and the law is designed to facilitate it.

but, i'm starting to recognize that my time here may not include any actual recording. and, if that is the case, i may just go ahead and rebuild.

if i can get through the next section quickly, the next thing to do is to start writing for the alter-reality: 2017 & the first half, now, of 2018. this will permanently close my first 15 releases, or so.
it's really, really, really disgusting.
45 minutes later, the smoke is still pluming.

i'm not joking.

it's like she's running a fog machine.
i was hoping to finish up to my first record tonight and then spend the morning cleaning myself up.

we'll see how much longer i can stay awake for.
it's a really visceral, burning hate.
i've never hated somebody as much as i hate this person.
again: the problem is not the drug. the problem is the user.

this woman should be put through a fucking meat grinder and fed to the homeless.

what a fucking useless waste of oxygen.
i'm stoned.

i'm going to fall asleep.....
the smoke in here is so thick that i can see it.
it's not one joint.

it's joint after joint after joint.

on a monday fucking morning.

pathetic.
it's been pluming smoke for 25 minutes.
i'd like to go down there and beat the fucking shit out of her right now, i really fucking would.
if you have to get stoned on monday fucking morning, if you're that goddamned fucking pathetic, why can't you transport your fat piece of fucking shit ass outside to do it?
it's monday morning.

i'm trying to work...

i have an appointment in a few hours.

most people have to go to work in the morning.

the last thing i want to be right now is stoned.

:(
like, i'm left here wondering if this fucking disgusting piece of shit is trying to get me stoned, and, if so why?

that is simply not one person smoking one joint.

that is a group of people smoking many joints.
this is so remarkably frustrating.

it's absolutely brutal, tonight.

we're going to court....

Sunday, April 29, 2018

concerns about my door are subsiding, at least for the night.

"so why don't you just be an effiminate dude?"

well, to a certain extent, i guess i am, right?

at the end of the day, i don't care whether you want to call me a trans-female or a total fag. these are just labels. boxes. and, i don't really see why you'd treat me any differently if you thought i was merely a complete fag, rather than a woman.

so, you can ask me: what's the difference?

well, i dunno. you're the one that's insisting on it, not me.
and, let me tell you: if they survive the encounter, they won't be living here much longer. that's grounds for immediate eviction.

you can't quantify stupidity. and, we know these people are stupid...i'm just hoping they're not too drunk and/or tweaked out...
you don't want to be in a room alone with me when i'm feeling threatened, because i will lash out like an angry animal.
so, i'm half expecting these idiots to do something stupid tonight.

let it be written here that i might have overheard a threat to knock the door down.

see, the thing is that i'm not sure what i heard, and i didn't see anybody say it. if i had, i'd be contacting the police.

i have no patience for macho bullshit, and i don't suffer stupidity at all.

but, let it be known that i am not a bleeding heart, and that i am not afraid to seriously hurt anybody willing to enter my apartment using force. in fact, i'm likely to kill that person with my bare hands, rip out their heart with my teeth and shit on their remains.

you only think i'm exaggerating.

Saturday, April 28, 2018

i really never saw myself as a smoker. i mean, i acknowledged i was. but, i never intended to start smoking habitually, and i was basically in the process of quitting from the time i realized i was.

i started smoking to stay awake because i was working and going to school at the same time. it was either nicotine or cocaine. i think i picked the better option.

and, it really does keep you awake and alert. it's the best stimulant there is. really.

so, how do you quit smoking when you have exams next week? you can't; you need to study, so you need to stay awake, so you need to smoke.

and, then how do you quit when you're working two jobs? or...

i would routinely quit for three-four weeks at a time, over and over again. so, it's really more accurate for me to say something like that i was a smoker around 70% of the time, between 2002-2016 - and a non-smoker about 30% of the time.

i never tried to rationalize it; i knew it was unhealthy, but i'd always quit next week. and, i was never happy about it, but i had to find some way to stay awake, whether i liked it or not.

whenever i had a down period, i'd get most of the way there. but, as soon as i had anything substantive to do, the smoking would start up again.

so, nobody should be surprised by how militant i'm being about this: even when i smoked, i was very anti-smoking, as weird as that sounds.
it follows that if you ever see me with a cigarette in my hand, you can be sure i'm either already drunk or on the way there.
if i end up going to court with this, all parties should expect an affidavit from me, declaring the following:

1) i finally definitively quit smoking cigarettes as a habit at the beginning of 2016, after smoking habitually from 2002-2016, with many attempts to quit over the period.
2) i have never been a habitual marijuana smoker.
3) i have never had a medical marijuana card.
4) as a rule, i have never smoked inside of any dwelling that i've inhabited; i've always smoked outside. i have not smoked anything - at all - inside of the apartment in question.
5) while i may have relapsed a couple of times due to overwhelming stress, including at the end of 2017, because quitting smoking is hard, those relapses have been short-lived and are not evidence of hidden habits. all relapses have been carried out exclusively outside of the dwelling in question.
6) i acknowledge that i may continue to smoke casually when i'm drinking, meaning when i'm at the bar. this is infrequent and likewise does not suggest habitual use - it is behaviour relegated strictly to bar patios and other places of alcohol consumption.

those are the facts.

you don't have to like them.

but please stop disputing them.
clearly, i crashed.

i need to get some work done today.

it's clear that she's still smoking inside, but less clear whether she's leaving or not. i woke up to an overhang of tobacco smoke, and have noticed some minor plumes. but, i continue to hear a lot of banging downstairs.

i guess if she's leaving then she'll want to be out by the first.

and, i'll wait until the first before i start making daily complaints. it's just going to be something like:

"yeah. she's still smoking. *click*."

again: you can't just order an addict to stop.
unfortunately, when your apartment constantly smells like drugs and smoke, it's hard to see the value in things like laundry and showering because everything smells bad again in minutes, anyways.

i'm going to have to redo the last load i did.

but i'm coming up against my own stench, right now.

and i actually think that's a good sign - if i can smell myself over the background radiation.
i've been sitting here for hours, unsure if i'm going to fall asleep or not.

either i'll get to work or i'll fall asleep.

i think that when i do crash, i'll be happy to get something a little less broken.

the air is better tonight, but we'll see how long that lasts. i'm even considering showering...

Friday, April 27, 2018

yeah, i got the regular estrace and paid the difference.

the physical is on monday.

the blood test will be some time next week.

and, we can talk about dosages and medication decisions when the results come back, in mid-may.

i could very well switch, in the end; this is just not the right time to play with this.
i'm apprehensive about this.

since i had my dosage increased a little over two years ago, i haven't felt as though my estrogen levels were low.

and, i feel that this should be measured empirically, rather than guessed at.

i will have a blood test this upcoming week; this is the wrong time for this experiment. it's just going to fuck up the test results.

so, i'm going to take the pills back and ask for the estrace, and then act as though i missed a dose.
wait.

this isn't a generic estrace, it's a hemihydrate.

the difference appears to be that the regular estrace needs to go through your liver, whereas the hemi-hydrate is just estrogen surrounded by water, and so absorbs on contact. but, if you take estrogen like this, you get a spike of estrogen and then a fall - which is likely to lead to mood swings. and, i kind of don't like the idea of taking estrogen like a drug. i want constant and stable levels, not to get high on hormones and then crash.

i know that i don't want to do this through absorption - i want my liver to regulate it - but i don't know if it's going to be as effective, taken orally. logic kind of tells me that it's going to get ruined in my stomach, if it's just estrogen surrounded by water.

i have an appointment on monday...

but, let's see what i can learn about this in the short run.
hey, here's some good news - new ownership at the local shopper's has got my pills down in cost by ~25%.

they claim it's due to moving to generics.

here's the thing: i knew generics were less expensive the whole time, and i actually shopped around a few years ago, but everybody gave me the same price. the price went up a lot at one point at the beginning of 2016, and the answer i got had to do with the brand switching. i explicitly asked for generics, and they told me something about distributors. now, the pharmacist randomly switches me back to generics and is claiming he always had generics.

?

$20+/month over two years adds up to around $500. i should probably be kind of irked.

and, i know that the previous management didn't like the fact that she couldn't refuse me service, or set her own prices to get me out of the store. she seemed to be both religious + very pro-market. but, she bought a chain store in canada, inheriting two layers of strict rules. she really didn't have the right to discriminate against me, and nobody was going to let her do it - not even her employees.

i'm going to guess that they probably did run out of generics at some point two years ago, and they didn't switch me back when the generics came back in. the new management noticed the problem, and fixed it.

so, thanks. i guess.

i don't have an argument for a claim, because i received what i paid for. i don't think the store made anything from it - it was more about enforcing a value system than making a profit.

*shrug*.

let's just look forwards...
see, now it's after 2:00, so she's extra sure that mom & dad are asleep.

ugh.
like, she seems to have reacted to the situation this afternoon by turning the cure up really loud and going in her room and pouting.

as though she'd been grounded.

"it's not fair!" - with eyeliner picking up marijuana smoke, running amuck through kyoto song.

the thing is that she's like 45.

arrested development. entitlement. just a spoiled brat. call it what you will. but, it has to end soon, one way or another.
you're going to get arguments like "but it was after midnight" or "but it was after 4:00", like that matters - because, in her warped concept of logic, it actually does, because that's when her parents went to sleep and she could do what she wants.

this is what i'm dealing with, here.

there's no logic to it.
it's been mostly ok most of the night, but she seems to be smoking right now.

it's not exactly overwhelming. yet.

but, it demonstrates the problem, which is the addiction itself. she doesn't think she's doing anything wrong. so, she's going to push it and push it until we're back where we were. and, that's why i had to file to the board - she's just not interested in making the choice of complying.

she's like a 12 year old. really.

that said, i think i overheard her say she was moving in with her daughter.

that would be nice...

Thursday, April 26, 2018

you can't just tell a drug addict to stop doing drugs.

that's not how this works.
i woke up to a bit of a curveball.

the property manager showed up a little after 11:00, and handed me a new set of building regulations.

- no smoking
- no drugs

hrmmn.

everybody in this building smokes pot. this was never my intent, but i guess the owner had to buckle.

if the other tenants are upset about the universal application of the rules, they should blame her, and not me. i only care about my own unit. she's the one that cried that it's not fair. it's her fault.

that said, these rules are not enforceable, and i don't have any faith in these tenants to obey them - or in management to enforce them. they're just going to spend a lot on legal costs, with no end point.

she's smoking right now.

so, i mailed the t2 & t6 this morning.

and, i have a letter for the property manager., as well.

Update on the Situation in Unit 15

A T2 and T6 were completed on the evening of April 25th, 2018, with intent to process them on April 26th.

On the morning of April 26th, before these documents were processed, Ina appeared at my door with a new list of rules, including a no-smoking rule and a no drugs policy.

I do not have faith in the tenant to abide by these rules, and I do not have faith in the management to enforce them. My last smoke complaint was met by a request for me to move, so I don’t expect anything different in the future. And, as I am typing this, I can smell marijuana wafting into the unit from downstairs.

So, the documents were processed on the afternoon of April 26th, despite the existence of the new rules. Should the situation improve, to my surprise, by the time of the court appearance, I will cancel the court date. I would actually prefer not to move, I just can’t stay in an unhealthy unit. Be advised that I can always reapply for an end to the tenancy, with proper compensation.

Despite Ina’s claims, there was no law passed in Ontario restricting smoking indoors. There was in fact a law passed in Ontario restricting the outdoor use of cannabis. I do not think that Ina was confused, I think she was being dishonest. My legal opinion is that an action against the tenant below me would be unsuccessful, given the current legal realities. The legal reality in Ontario is that it is the ownership’s responsibility to renovate the unit, or compensate me for moving costs and damages. I did not write these laws, and do not like them much, but they are as they are.

In the mean time, I am making the following requests for renovations in the unit. There will be further requests made as the tape is fully removed.

Bedroom


When I moved into this unit, the bedroom had cracks in the wall. This was presented to management in writing, and I took pictures, as well. I eventually noticed smoke seeping in the cracks. As I did not want to be a nuisance tenant, I hoped that covering the cracks with tape would keep the smoke out. This was actually partially successful. However, management has asked me to remove the tape. I believe it is reasonable to request that the holes be patched, in exchange for removing the tape.

I have left a tarp over the water closet in the short term, until a proper discussion can be had on how to fix the water closet.

I also acknowledge that the baseboards will need to be repainted, but, as a tenant, I don’t care much about this. I would, however, advise management to contemplate the wisdom in seeking legal action over $5 worth of paint, considering that they are unlikely to even win the case at all. It would be a better idea to just paint the baseboards.

I will at least apologize for the inconvenience, but would request that you in turn realize the desperation underlying it.

Door Frame

While the seal on the new doors is in fact quite impressive, the frame was never completed properly. In an attempt to be a quiet tenant, I simply taped around the frame. This was reasonably effective. As per the request of management, I have removed this tape, but feel it is reasonable to ask for the management to compensate by caulking the door frame. This is actually a simple request to finish a job that was never really finished.

Once these issues are dealt with, similar small requests will be made on the other side of the unit.

Wednesday, April 25, 2018

so, i have a t2 and a t6 filled out.

i am requesting:
$1000 - moving costs
$1000 - bed
$1000 - couch
$500 - dry cleaning & laundry
$200 - tape & tarps
$100 - cleaning supplies
============
$3800 + a tbd percentage of rent paid, which will be $5600.

at 25%, that will be over $5000.

they will also no doubt hire lawyers.

the law is an ass, here. but, hopefully the court will make renting to inside smokers quite expensive, and hopefully that will create some pressure to put some more reasonable laws in place.

nobody should be allowed to smoke inside, ever. ten feet from the house should be the law....
i'm still hurting, but i'm going to try to start.
is this even possible?

well, i know what it feels like to be high, and i know that the smoke is getting me high. i'm not guessing that maybe i'm this mysterious thing called "being high". i'm identifying something i know very well.

i think that the basic idea here is correct: it's hard for second-hand smoke to get you high.

what are the facts, here?

1) this building has no "ventilation system". my windows are wide open when they can be, which is not always. hers are shut. it's certainly not a "hot box", but the smoke is only exiting one direction, and it is up. the winds tend to blow around the building rather than into it.
2) the floors basically aren't there. so, it's like i'm sitting in an open concept above her, directly in her exhale path. sometimes, it's like she's blowing it in my face.
3) i have a very, very low tolerance to marijuana. it appears to be unusually low. i also know this from experience.
4) she has a very high tolerance.
5) she smokes very potent marijuana. it appears to be very high cbd, very low thc. i actually think that the terpene stuff is bullshit. but, this is the kind of pot that knocks you out for days, without really getting you "high".
6) she smokes very big joints, and smokes them frequently.

all of these factors are going to play into this. and, all i can say is i know what i'm feeling, and it's pretty real. this is the experiment, and these are the results i'm reporting. somebody else may have different experiences, due to a higher tolerance....

....but i'm perfectly comfortable with stating that i'm getting knocked out by a high volume of high potency marijuana, even in a relatively open space, but i recognize that it depends on whether i get into contact with what i call a "plume" or not.

i'm not watching her from downstairs, but a "plume" probably happens when she takes a hard three or four hit toke on one of these huge joints. when that happens, i'm getting the smoke burned off the joint (which is substantial), the smoke missed in the toke and the exhaled smoke. what i'm getting at is that the way she smokes is very wasteful, and i'm actually getting a lot of uninhaled marijuana as a result of it.

the smell itself is not going to do it. i have to walk into one of these plumes. and, because she seems to be smoking near my bed [both before and after i moved my bed], that is exactly what is happening, repeatedly.

https://www.livescience.com/50880-secondhand-marijuana-smoke-effects-drug-test.html
"how's the pot in windsor?"

it's terrible.

my eyes are still burning, but i'm going to get a start on this. i'm not sure if i'll get it mailed today, but, if i don't i should get it mailed right away in the morning.
nope.

knocked out, again.

around 6:00.

this stuff is very, very powerful, but it's not any fun to get a headache and pass out. no euphoria. no buzz. no "high". just overwhelming lethargy, and a really nasty throb in the head.

i might actually recommend actual marijuana to get rid of this.

i can't write like this.
well, that gets me through dec of 2015, anyways.

i have a headache. again.

i'm going to get something to eat and hope it wakes me up a little and then get to writing that essay, with the full intent to mail it today. i've always tended to avoid doing school work when stoned (drugs and school don't go well together, kids), so i might have to wait for the influence to wear off a little, first.

i'm going to enter this journal into evidence, so i'll be posting detailed accounts of when the second hand smoke has an effect on me.

season 2 ends about a week into january, and the music blog is going to be updating sporadically afterwards. that should actually speed me up quite a bit.
"we spent the night playing video games and doing drugs, and then walking around talking about tv shows. 

you missed out."
thankfully, i have some coffee.

because that's the drug i like.

coffee.
i'm once again feeling tired and miserable in the wee hours of the morning.
the strangest thing is that they're just wasting their drugs.

throw a dart and you'll hit somebody that wants this.

why harass the one that doesn't?
i moved here hoping to meet people that wanted to start a new society in the ruins of the old one.

unfortunately, this place is full of people that perfectly represent that society's decay.
i don't like the junkies; it's the junkies that like me.

but, i really don't like them.

at all.
i don't want anything to do with these people that are showing up here every morning and doing drugs.
the only people i was able to build friendships with after high school were the anarchists at occupy.

those are literally the only friends i've met since i was 20.
why can't i have adults show up at my door and talk about revolutionizing the means of production, rather than children show up smoking drugs?
i'm actually looking forward to turning 40, so i can say it.

thirty-something isn't scary.

but, they leave you alone when you tell them you're 40.

so, i do - but i'm lying.

it'll be nice when it's actually true...

they see me as a peer, but my interest in twenty-somethings is non-existent. i see them as children.

Tuesday, April 24, 2018

leave it to alberta to be the only jurisdiction in the world that is dumb enough to buy into elon musk's bullshit.
i just took a walk downstairs to investigate the banging, and i caught her leaving in a waiting car, which is not conclusive.

she's obviously not going outside to smoke, because she's smoking inside - and she's already had a few.

so, i'm actually left with one of two conclusions: either she left for work a little late tonight or she's slowly moving things out.

if the smoke continues over night, and right now it seems like it's going to, i'm actually going to have to conclude that she's in the process of moving and question the property manager about it tomorrow before i mail the documents.

i don't know if having her move is good enough, any more. i know it's worth giving it another try, though. it's the easiest answer...

i could, of course, cancel the court process, as well.
unfortunately, she appears to be home tonight.

but, i'm wondering if she misread the n5.

i'm not getting an honest response from management; they're playing stupid about it. but, that's just it - they're just bluffing on everything. i can read. to the contrary, this woman is obviously not very bright.

when i made the second smoke complaint, it was after ten days. now, the n5 can be confusing, if you're already stupid to begin with, and this is what i meant when i pointed out that the property management was feigning incompetency.

the first n5 is just a warning. it says knock it off in the next ten days, or i'm going to try and evict you. now, it also comes with a date on it, but the date is really meant for the second n5, not the first one.

my n5 had the date of april 23rd on it, but it wasn't a meaningful date. it was either included out of incompetency, or out of an attempt to frighten me.

a stupid or ignorant person could get the notice and conclude that they have to move by the 23rd. and, if that is the case, i would expect that this woman would actually be moving out over the week.

that might explain why she's not working, and also why i'm hearing a lot of banging.

so, should i wait this out, or what?

when i called in on day 11, i got the (i think feigned) confused reaction from management, indicating they were holding to it. but, i know better.

does she?

hrmmn.
i'm awake.

i've eaten.

thankfully, we got some rain...

i'll be through 2015 pretty fast and on to writing this essay and mailing it tomorrow.
to be a little bit more clear.

it's not whether i'm cool or not that tends to get me upset. i don't care. i really don't. and i don't care if not caring is cool or not, either. or if...

it's the vacuous, empty and nihilistic definition of 'cool' that gets me wishing i lived on another planet.

i'm happy to hang out with the nerds.

it's the popular kids that make me depressed.
my head is just throbbing :(.
i'm actually hoping for a rainy, cold summer in order to keep this person off the porch, so i can get some air in here.

there's no protection from the rain, there. and, the humid air is the best antidote for the smoke from downstairs, too.

it looks like the rain we were supposed to get this week isn't going to show up :(
well, i think it's worn off, now.

but i'll never make it there by 4:30.

i wanted to be there this morning, but i was literally too stoned to move for the last seven hours, from the secondhand smoke. this is a measure of the depth of the problem. and i'm not exaggerating; i was up in the afternoon, yesterday, i should not have been tired this morning. that was a short day....

i want to put the term 'stoned' in quotes, because it's not exactly like that. it's more like a sedative - and i've pointed out before that i suspect she is smoking opiates, at least sometimes. the pot obviously doesn't do much for her, right? and, this happens sometimes - i get a whiff of something and just fall over, for hours.

but, this is also typical of government pot, in my experience. government pot doesn't get you high, it just knocks you out. and, with the way they're prescribing it as an anti-depressant or pain reliever (rather than as the psychedelic it's used as, recreationally), that kind of makes sense. i don't know if it's a sativa/indica thing or something else, but government pot is really more like valium than it is like pot. and, as you might expect, that's not any fun.

the shit the government is going to eventually export is not going to be bc bud. it's going to be this over the top, sedative-heavy government pot engineered to feel like i'd imagine an opiate does. it's going to make you tired and insular, rather than euphoric and extroverted. and i don't expect to have much interest in it.

i'll have to try again tomorrow.

*shrug*.

i'm actually going back to sleep for a bit.
no.

i...

i can't move.

i'll try again at noon.
i didn't get through 2015 before i was overwhelmed by the secondhand smoke around 7:00.

my eyes are burning.

my throat is burning.

my mood is foul.

i want to sleep. but i can't. i have to get up.

it's about ten posts short. i'll do it tonight.
i can barely move.

i feel like death.

:(.

i just want to sit here and cry for the next thirty years.

but i need to get something mailed today.

coffee...
in one of the strangest demonstrations of surveillance yet, i'm listening to one of the remixes i spun off at the end of 2015 (http://musicofjessicamurray.blogspot.ca/2015/12/insp.html) and it starts actually interfering with the loopback at the low frequencies, due to the depth of the bass drum.

there are several mixes of this track that use the same drum pattern, so i check each of them, and they all do the same thing.

i was able to solve it on a reboot.

but, it seems like what i was hearing was the bass beating out of phase with itself as it was being captured by the monitoring software.

again: i actually don't care if i'm monitored. i'm boring as fuck.

but, i can't create music when the monitoring software is degrading my audio quality, like this...
but, it's just...

it's never been my thought process.

i've never been angry or sad or depressed and said "i need to get high". to the contrary, i've been angry or sad or depressed and decided to stay home and go to bed early, instead.

i need to be in a good mood to go out drinking & smoking, or i don't go out. i wouldn't want to get high if i wasn't feeling up to it.

& this is maybe why i don't really understand this. the premise of "medicinal marijuana" is combining two things - drugs & depression - that seem to be in contradiction with each other, to me.

when i'm depressed, i go to bed early; i only do drugs when i'm feeling great, and want to have a good time.

how did this get so confused?

it has to be capitalism that's at the root cause of this.
i would imagine that getting in the habit of smoking pot when i'm upset would just ruin marijuana for me.

like i say: i'm usually pretty happy, so long as i don't have to interact with people - or their externalities.

there's too many externalities in this place.
but, i don't associate drugs with depression.

being sad doesn't make me want to get high. getting high is something i do when i'm in a good mood, not something i do when i'm upset. i don't even know what being high and depressed is even like - i've never experienced this. i'd imagine it would just make me more upset. and, the stronger the smell of drugs is, the sadder i'm going to get.

it's not a comfort, or a crux, or something i do alone - it's a social activity that i always used to do with friends, and now do, at least, in public.

when i'm upset, i just want to go to sleep and wake up fresh - ie not hungover.

not tonight. tonight, i just need to deal with it. coffee...
it's not being around people that makes me upset. if anything, being around people makes me exceedingly angry.

it's the nature of humans that makes me upset.

people just smoke drugs, and don't care. they destroy the planet; they destroy themselves. they don't plan, they don't think ahead - all they care about is the present moment.

why can't people be more altruistic, and more interested in living healthy and productive lifestyles? why are so many humans these depraved, selfish utility monsters that destroy everything in their paths? why are we so easily controlled by media into believing such utter stupidity?

you try to live a healthy lifestyle, you try to give back, you try to do what you can to not contribute to all of these social and environmental problems, and all you get in return are these self-absorbed retards that can't even be bothered to get off of their obese assholes to go smoke a fucking joint, when somebody tells them it's making them sick.

i need to get out of here asap.

preferably to a planet with a different dominant species.
i'm broadly a pretty happy person if left alone.

it's humans that make me sad.

we're despicable creatures. it's the best argument i know against religion: no enlightened being would create a species this depraved.
i deserve the payout i'm asking for.
:(
of course, the library has inconvenient hours, for me.

i may find myself blowing most of the summer sitting outside and reading, just because i can't sit inside.
why is it always ugly fat women that smoke like chimneys?
to be clear: i've got the drug addict below me, and have had to open my window to deal with it.

now, there's a tenant next door that is sitting on her porch smoking, so opening the window is no solution.

i don't currently have a functioning laptop, but i'm considering spending my days at the library until i can get out.
if you're forcing me to choose, i would rather deal with second hand tobacco smoke.

it's gross. and unhealthy.

but, at least it doesn't make you tired....

there's a new problem: some ugly, fat wench is sitting in my fresh air intake and smoking 24/7, meaning i'm in the same impossible situation, once again.

what i'm experiencing is just a background general smoke: i can't tell what kind of smoke it is, and it may even be all mixed up. it's just burning my throat.

i want to finish 2015 before i get to the write-up to get out of here.

Monday, April 23, 2018

outrageously, the response from the landlord was to suggest that if i can't deal with the smoke then i should move.

that's the literal definition of negligence, in context.

"if you don't like the mold on the ceiling, you can always move."
"if you don't like the asbestos in the living room, you can always move."

it's the same thing, legally.

you see this frequently with legal illiterates: i'm just getting some, like, nineteenth century contract theory bullshit. libertarianism seems to be the basic starting point of ignorance, in this culture.

so, i'm going to have to write the board an essay, and this won't get mailed until tomorrow. the basic argument is negligence under the health regulations, and liability for breach of the enjoyment covenant.

but, i got a mailing address, at least. that wasn't obvious.

the truth is that they're actually kind of walking into a trap; it's not like i set the trap, but , if i did, they'd have walked right into it. they've given me everything i need to make the argument for negligence...

and, i need to reiterate: i like tort law. i think more of the law should be organized around tort law principles. tort reform, to me, means expanding the principles of tort law to further destroy contract theory. it's the criminal law that i don't like, and it's classical liberalism that pisses me off...
i have to make the complaint before i file the documents. it's a formality.

i'm really curious as to how they'll respond....
yes: she's been smoking all night.

i'll have to call the landlord around 8:30.
if you like a glass of wine now and again does that mean you're an alcoholic?

that you want your bed to smell like spilled vodka, and stale puke?

that you want your kitchen to smell like gin, or your bathroom to smell like barley?

that you want your clothes to smell of elderberry?

that you drink so much that you fall over?

just because you like a glass of wine at christmas, or a beer at a show? really?

this is not binary. we don't have to choose between never smoking and smoking an ounce a day. there's a large spectrum...
she may even be getting social validation from "being an addict" that she can't get anywhere else.
i'm posting in the rebuild right now about how marijuana isn't addictive.

and, it really isn't.

this is the first pot addict i've ever met...

and, she's no doubt more addicted to the idea of the drug than the drug itself. she probably thinks it makes her cool, or something; it's probably some kind of fear of missing out.

"marijuana is not physically addictive" is a factual statement. that is science. but, they claim it's "psychologically addictive" - which means that heavy users can trick themselves into thinking they're addicted, when they really aren't.

it's more like they want to be addicted, because they think being addicted is cool, and they don't want to miss out.

twisted. truly.

but, as i am contradicting myself, let be me clear: i am well aware that marijuana is not an addictive substance, and when i'm ranting about this woman being a drug addict, i shouldn't be taken fully literally. she's a wannabe addict.
i mean, when i go out, i make sure i have a good time.

but, it's a few times a month, usually.

i'm not out all of the time...
"so, how does she go out to party all the time, then?"

i don't.

i went out once in november, once in december, zero times in january, february or march and twice in april.

i'm often able to save a few dollars over the winter, so that i can go out more frequently in the summer. i also get those gst checks in every three months. but, the budget gives me about $100/month to spend, most months - which is enough for one or two nights out

and, the truth is that i spend most of my time inside in front of the computer.

as you can see.
rent: $700
groceries: $200
estrogen: $90
internet: $30
laundry: $10

roughly.
do i really have to make this argument?

i have one source of income: odsp.

it's $1150/month.

my expenses are $1026/month [if i spend $200 on groceries, which is often an exaggeration].

where do you propose that i get all of this money to get stoned all of the time?

i don't have an alternate source of income. i don't have a marijuana card.

please just accept the fact that i don't smoke.
i get pleasure out of learning, not out of burning out.
there's lots of people on this planet that just don't like marijuana.

i'm not going to say that, exactly.

but i certainly don't enjoy perpetual inebriation.

i'd really rather be sober.

and, i honestly don't know why i have this reputation, otherwise - i am, in fact, usually sober.
it's not that i'm living some kind of ascetic lifestyle or something.

i don't have any kind of philosophical objection to being a stoner - it's just not my idea of a good time.

i simply prefer being sharp-witted, awake, alert. i don't enjoy the sore throat. i don't like being tired....

if i was going to get addicted to something, it would be cocaine, not marijuana. as it is, i'm usually fine with coffee.

Sunday, April 22, 2018

i need to be clear: the problem here is not the drugs, it's the user. drugs don't smoke themselves.

if she were to go take a walk, she wouldn't be bothering anybody. she really wouldn't.

but, her insistence on smoking inside is very much bothering somebody: she's making me very sick, and dramatically negatively impacting on my quality of life.

my costing is as follows:

$1000 for moving costs
$300 for materials used to smoke-proof the apartment (which the landlord ordered me to take down)
$500 for laundry & dry-cleaning
$100 for cleaning supplies
$500 for a new bed [my mattress is ruined]
25% of rent paid is $1400, presuming the lease ends august 1st.
==========
$3800

i hope it makes people think twice about renting to drug addicts.
given that she's obviously smoking this much because she can't get high any more, she's probably actually at risk of moving to something harder.

i've seen studies arguing both ways, and they're probably both right, depending on the context. i can understand how marijuana could help a heroin addict - although i might suggest methadone, instead. less harmful. on the other hand, when your tolerance to marijuana is as absurd as this woman's is, and the delivery method is giving you pneumonia, it's easy to understand the appeal of something stronger, too.

it probably depends on what stage the addict is in. an opiate addict that wants to get better but is physically addicted could use pot as a crutch, even if they relapse in the long run; a desperate pothead that just isn't getting high anymore might look at opiates as the only way to get what they're after. and, i might have thought that was obscure a few months ago, but i never thought i'd meet somebody that smokes as much as she does, either.

she's obviously just not getting high.
the way marijuana works is that the more you smoke, the less high you get. all drugs are like this: it's the law of diminishing returns.

so, if you wanted to emulate me, for whatever reason, the way to do this is to only smoke once in a while. that way, you get really high from just getting in on the odd round. when you smoke as little as i do, you only have to buy a $5 pre-roll to get stoned enough that you're still feeling it in the morning. those rastas don't even get a buzz off of that.

whatever media exists of me baked is in fact strong evidence that i don't get high very often, as i would be less obviously trashed if i did.

and, the key to accomplishing this level of inebriation on a regular basis is actually to buy into the culture of sobriety. my daily drug of choice is coffee, not marijuana. i've quit tobacco. but, i drink a pot of coffee a day, and only smoke up a couple of times a month - if that. some months, i don't get stoned at all.

you need that space to prevent yourself from developing tolerance; what my media footprint really is is a lack of tolerance, due to sporadic use.

if i smoked as much as people seem to think i do, i wouldn't get high in public at all - i'd just be your average "chill" stoner.

and, if i disappear from public view for a long period, as i tend to, it's safe to assume i'm completely sober during that period. and, i don't want to build up a tolerance - that would just make my infrequent binges less fun.

this should all be obvious, but it isn't, for some reason. people seem to think i somehow get completely ripped from a random toke at the bar, then go home and smoke mad amounts. but, that doesn't actually make any sense, and you should all know that it doesn't...my obviously low tolerance is evidence that i don't smoke much at all....

right now, i just have a sore throat and wish i was more awake.

she's still blazing. every twenty minutes. it's surreal.
if i was writing policy, that would be my primary focus: to get rid of this ridiculous idea that marijuana is some kind of medicine.

that is utterly ignorant.

that must be corrected.
marijuana is a recreational drug that is relatively safe, if consumed in moderation, and should be heavily taxed like alcohol and cigarettes.


it is not a medicine. and, like alcohol, it can be abused with disastrous consequences.
i don't normally sit in this room.

as far as i can tell, she lights a joint about every 20 minutes. and, i've seen these things - they're not joints, they're cigars, really.

she's been chain smoking since about 3:30, maybe a bit before. she seems to have overwhelmed my defenses around 3:30, anyways. let's say 3:40 to make the math easier.

that means she has smoked at least 10 cigar-sized joints in the last 3.5 hours. that's probably at least $50 worth of pot. in the last 3.5 hours. by herself.

that's more expensive than cocaine.

me? i take one three-toke pass between sets and i'm licked until the morning. and, then i don't touch it for three weeks - until the next show.

if she's smoking that much, the sad truth is that it must be because it doesn't actually get her high, anymore. and, so, what's the point of even smoking it?

it's easy to deduce that this woman goes to work all day in order to spend all her money on a drug that makes her really sick, pisses off her neighbours and doesn't even get her high.

doctor's orders?

what a sad joke.

this isn't a medicine, and it's not doing anything for her.

it's an addiction that is ruining her life.
in fact, i am a health nut and enviro-fascist.

i have an extremely healthy diet.

i don't smoke.

i get a lot of exercise.

i recycle in buildings that don't.

i compost.

i don't own a car; i walk, i bike.

i had a struggle with cigarettes that i've won. but, my entire life is centered around minimizing my carbon output and living as healthily and as safely as possible. and, living in other people's smoke is consequently an impossibility - a contradiction, an unacceptable premise.
i'm very sorry if you thought that i was some kind of advocate for heavy drug use, but i've been very clear that i am not.

most marijuana users are not drug addicts, as most alcohol users are not alcoholics. but, the ones that are addicts need help, not normalization.

all i care about is my lungs, which i have gone to great lengths to keep healthy by quitting smoking over two years ago and cannot allow to be damaged due to the selfish negligence of asshole neighbours.

i do not care what happens to her.

she's created her own problems.
i do hope they evict her, but i ultimately don't care.

i care about my own health.
when somebody repeatedly asks you to stop doing something because it's bothering somebody, and you keep doing it, you're an asshole.
no, she's back to smoking again in her usual spots.

the t2 will be mailed on monday.

that's the end of this.

and, don't let anybody tell you that "medicinal marijuana users" aren't drug addicts. there's no other way to understand this: this person is an addict, and she's not going to stop.

she didn't stop when i asked.
she didn't stop when the cops asked.
she didn't stop when the landlord asked.
and, she didn't stop when the owner asked.

that is drug addiction.

period.

t2 is coming.

i need to get out of this hellhole...
the smell in here tonight is tobacco, but i can't get a handle on the source.

it's absolutely revolting.

but, the thing is that a part of it might be the actual floor, and the smell might be the building adjusting to the spring. and, if i'm not careful, i could be blaming people for something that is actually nobody's fault.

also, given that the source is unclear, i could be mistaking the smell of tobacco for the smell of mold.

it's annoying that this happened on the first night after moving my bed out, but it's also a saturday, and i need to deal with one thing at a time.

if or when i move out of here, i'm going to need to be more careful in analyzing the tenants. again: i like the building. it's that i don't like the other people living in it.

Saturday, April 21, 2018

so, what's happening in the saga of the second-hand smoke, now well into it's second year?

as far as i can tell, the woman directly below me is still not smoking in the unit. so, i'm still holding off on that t2. i'm not holding my breath, though.

last night, however, around 1:00, i got a nasty whiff coming from what i think is the tenant diagonally below me. but, i think i can fix that.

it's not that i want to pick on the tenant directly below me, it's just that there's no solution due to the geometry of the unit, and, frankly, the amount of smoke involved. the guy directly across me smokes a little bit - like, a pinner on friday nights, right; minimal. i had fixed that by taping up the door frame. i took the tape down, so i'll have to put in a request to caulk around the frame, instead. problem solved. if the person on the diagonal smokes a little, on weekends or something, i think we can solve that by building up the baseboards - or maybe by asking the person to smoke on the other side of the unit. the point is that there's a solution. unfortunately, it doesn't matter where the woman below me smokes, and i've learned that i can't keep it out - either one of us has to leave, or she's gotta stop smoking. there's no compromise - it has to be absolute.

see, and she's going to cry that it's not fair that she has to stop while everybody else gets to smoke, and maybe that's true. sometimes, life isn't fair. but, all i care about is keeping the smoke out. i'm not pretending that this isn't a difficult situation, i'm just being crystal clear that all i care about is my own well-being. so, i'm not interested in the application of fair laws across the building; this is simply not my prerogative. she happened to be unlucky enough to have a vocal non-smoker move in above her, and the property owner happens to not be sticking up for her. that's how this cookie has crumbled.

i still expect to be the one that moves, in the end, but we're not there, yet.

i flipped out a little last night, because the smoke triggered the bronchitis. i've moved everything out of the bedroom and will need to put in a work order on monday or tuesday. right now, the space is airing out, and i'm going to need to clean the remaining glue out before i put the order in.

what does it look like?

well, it looks a tad worse. i lost a little bit of paint; it's nothing structural, and all of the problems that exist already existed. but, i'll acknowledge some aesthetic issues with the existing damage. which is...

ok: imagine there's a crack in the wall, and imagine that there is smoke seeping in through the crack. so, i put duct tape over the crack as a simple solution - and it mostly works, at least in the short term. then, when i take the tape down, on request of the owner, i peel a little paint off from around the crack, making the crack look a little worse.

you could make the naive argument that i ought to be liable for the damage, but this is really absurd - there was already a crack in the wall and it already needed to be fixed. rather, i'm going to make the following argument:

1) there was a crack in the wall.
2) smoke was coming in through the crack.
3) therefore, i blocked off the crack with duct tape.
4) the property owner has requested that i remove the duct tape.
5) therefore, i am going to request that the crack be fixed to prevent further seepage.

and, i mean, they could sue me if they really want. they'll probably lose. and, even if they win, they'll never get anything out of me.

they should just fix the cracks.

and, that's where i am right now: i have everything back in the living room, i'm caustically waiting for the woman downstairs to light a blunt, which will trigger the final exit, and i'm going to give the property manager a letter in the next few days asking that the cracks in the bedroom be fixed,.

regarding the paint...

yeah. i lost a little paint.

they employ a full time painter.

and they'd have to paint, anyways.

again: they'll spend thousands trying to extract a few dollars out of me, they'll probably lose and if they win they'll never see it. it's going to cost them $10 worth of paint to just fix it.

but, you can't quantify stupidity.

right now, i'm going to eat and try to spend the night rebuilding.

Friday, April 20, 2018

the smell tonight - and this isn't the first time - is overwhelming levels of garlic.

this is actually leading me back to meth; maybe they are smoking outside, but i can smell their armpits from here, kind of thing. meth users are known to smell like garlic - like, not from the smoke, but from the body odour.

nobody eats garlicy meals for hours straight. i guess somebody could have left something out, but it's happened repeatedly.

somebody could have terrible gas, and i could be smelling it over and over again. it's actually quite plausible.

it could be another distraction tactic - burning garlic so i can't smell the pot.

but, the reality is that all evidence points towards this building being some kind of meth centre - either through production, or through massive use.

is there some possibility that all of the potheads around me are smoking laced pot and don't know it? well, three months ago i'd have told you that the premise of meth-laced marijuana is crazy talk. you'll find it with pcp from time to time, unfortunately - it's unpleasant; you deal with it. but, meth? this isn't real, right?

maybe it is.

i may never figure out what the truth is around this. i've got clues, and i can put them together, but getting some kind of confirmation is going to be almost impossible. and, i'm no doubt just scratching the surface of something.

i don't need or even want to know, frankly.

but the clearer the meth connection gets, the more i want out.

it's possible that somebody just needs to shower more frequently. but, it's really one thing after another...
i need to be clear: i don't know if these leaves are being burned or cooked with.

i noticed a mild cheesy smell, as well.

it could be some kind of chili.

like i say: if the pot smell goes away, we'll deal with this as it is. i doubt that happens.
i don't care what your witch-doctor says.

smoke is never good for you.

ever.
"burn bay leaves in the house and see what happens after ten minutes"

i'm going to ask for an x-ray of your lungs, and observe that you're coughing your ass off.

smoke is smoke.

so, stop burning shit inside...it's all the same cancer-causing smut...

tobacco. marijuana. sage. now, bay leaves. it's all the same thing.

Thursday, April 19, 2018

tonight was a little weird.

i took some of the tape off of the kitchen cabinets, and what it revealed was this overpowering smell of bay leaf, that i remember smelling when i first moved in - and which was in fact the initial reason that i taped up the cabinets. the smell of marijuana only presented itself once the smell of bay leaf had subsided.

see, here's the thing: i don't actually care about the smell. this is a rank, nasty smell - granted. but, it's a minor annoyance. what i care about is the damage caused by second hand smoke - which means that burning sage inside would be as bad as smoking pot. worse, really, because it's pointless.

as it is, i don't know if the request not to smoke was heeded or not because i couldn't smell anything over the bay leaves.

i'm not sure where the smell of bay leaves is coming from, but i suspect that re-opening the hole on the bottom of the cabinet has left me at the whim of a number of tenants. i remember concluding at the time that the cabinet must be connected to six units moving down, around the plumbing, and that it was just never properly finished - thereby meaning that i can plausibly smell the guy three floors down when he makes a burrito. it's maybe facile to suspect that the smell of indian food is coming from the indian tenant, but it could very well be true. at the least, this is the same stench that came in when i moved in, so it's not infrequent. and, in the end, whether this is by design (by the pothead) or by coincidence doesn't matter.

i need to reiterate that bad smalls are not the same thing as second-hand smoke, and that this is a fundamentally different type of problem.

nonetheless, while the tape was only partly successful in keeping the smell of marijuana smoke out of the cabinets, it was actually quite successful in keeping out the smell of everybody else's food. if she surprises me and continues to smoke outside for any length of time, if she even is at all right now, i'm still going to need to get somebody in to fix the cabinet. i had an easy solution that worked well, but we can go with a more expensive solution if the property owner would prefer. i don't expect this happens; i'll be surprised if she's not blazing all day tomorrow.

for right now, i'm going to have to suffer this, keeping in mind the following truth: if i can smell their stinky herbs, then they can smell my fresh citrus air fresheners, too. and, i can be pro-active in pushing nice smells down to ward off their evil ones.

i've got about 1/4 of the tape off, but in the process of everything happening over the last few days, i've aggravated an injury i suffered last week when i was cleaning up my bicycle. it's a small cut on my right thumb (the most important finger.....) that has reopened and that i'd like to close before i continue with the process of ripping up tape off of baseboards. so, i'm going to wait until monday before i get back to that.

i actually don't have anything planned this weekend; it seems to be quiet in detroit. i may change my mind at the last minute, but i'm expecting to stay in and type. i keep pointing out that december shouldn't take long, once i can sit down and do it. if the weekend goes through uneventfully, i guess i'll get to clearing off the tape on monday; if it doesn't, i guess i'll file the t2 on monday morning, and focus on looking for new apartments, then pull the rest of the tape off as i'm moving out.