Thursday, January 19, 2017

i just split three days up into little pieces and, in the end, ended up back where i was to begin with. i guess i needed to catch up on the sleep. i was up on the 17th about 17:00, and ended up awake on the 19th at about the same time after sleeping for most of the day (in fact most of the last 24 hours). so, i'm cycled back around and ready to pick up where i left off.

but i need to pick up the pace...

i need to eat, first. and then i need to have a productive night.
also, in the long run i'll need to keep an eye on my cholesterol. but, it's currently actually pretty outstanding.

i've been over this: my diet seems terrible, until you realize that i don't eat very much and i walk a lot.....

these numbers are real. and attainable. note: both of my parents have/had high cholesterol. my dad actually had several life-threatening cardiovascular episodes before brain cancer got him, and his father died of heart disease. if this were a purely genetic concern, i'd be in a lot of trouble. and yet look at these numbers....

chol: 3.69 mmol/L = 66.42 mg/dl. this is actually lower than the normal range (3.8-5.2). i also have low blood pressure....

tg: 0.88 mmol/L = 15.84 mg/dl. lower end of normal range (0.6-1.7).

hdl:  1.37 mmol/L = 24.66 mg/dl. this is pretty much in the middle of the normal range (1.00-1.80). higher hdl is preferable (apparently, above 1.6). but, i have to keep in mind that i'm low, overall. the way you measure a situation like this is to look at a ratio, and while it's not on the print-out, google confirms my logic. my ratio is 2.69; under 3.5 suggests i'm at low risk for heart disease.

ldl: 1.92 mmol/L = 34.56 mg/dl. this is also lower than normal (2.0-2.6), but again you have to keep in mind that the total is low. the important ratio here is ldl/hdl, which is 1.4. that again suggests very low risk - around half of the average risk, it turns out.

non-hdl chol: 2.32 mmol/L = 41.76 mg/dl. this measure is just a difference between total cholesterol and good cholesterol; it's the amount of cholesterol that is not good cholesterol. apparently, i want to keep the difference between non-hdl and ldl less than 30 mg/dl. well, i'm at 7.2.

i have to keep an eye on this because i should be at high risk. but, my lifestyle is very different than either of my parents, and the effects of that are showing pretty clearly.
ok. umm...

i was vaccinated.

the doctor is...he's got a lot of work to do....this is why i asked for the print-out...

the blood test results indicate i'm positive for anti-hbs. that means i'm immune. given that i also have immunity to hep A, i must have gotten twinrix at some point.

the test that the lab requested is to determine if i may have defeated it naturally and become a "chronic carrier". note that a "chronic carrier" is not the same thing as a "chronic infection". whether i misunderstood or he misspoke is less important than getting it right...but i think he read the information too briskly and misspoke, leading me to a false understanding...

when i said today that i should wait until march because there's a temporal component and i wouldn't learn anything from an immediate test, he nodded and said something about a graph and appeared to be struggling to remember something he hadn't thought about since college. google is so remarkably useful. he was no doubt thinking about this:

if i had picked up hep b in the blackout, i wouldn't have tested positive for anti-hbs a mere 11 weeks after infection, which is what happened. i must have already had immunity. what he told me had led me to believe that they had picked up lgM anti-HBc which, at 11 weeks, would indicate exposure. that is not the case. this was a miscommunication.

if i wasn't in shock, i would have asked for it in writing in the first place.

doctors are not magicians. it's always a good idea to ask questions, get things in writing and do independent research. i'm not upset because i consider this to be my responsibility, and not his.

but this is cleared up. whatever sickness i had this month, it wasn't hep b. i'm already immune to hep b. and i think it's clear that i'm immune to hep b because i was in fact vaccinated.

i still don't know what happened that night, though.
i woke up sopping wet because i was outside in a torrential downpour. my reconstruction of the last moments of the blackout suggests it's probably why i got in the guy's car. but it means that any relevant evidence got washed off.

there was nothing on my clothes. and, i was bruised, but there was no residue.

i should have inquired around about the existence of an anal rape kit rather than assumed one doesn't exist. i was in a daze and didn't want to deal with it.
"There is no chronic (long- term) infection with hepatitis A. People do not become carriers of the hepatitis A virus."

"Avoid having sex while you're infectious – hepatitis A is most infectious from around two weeks before the symptoms start until about a week after they first develop."

ok. so...if i got hep A in the blackout, the person i got it from would have had to have been exposed recently. and, further, it would have had to have been in an anal-oral transmission. even in the worst blackout scenario, i would have no doubt gagged. 

i wish he would have told me that or printed the results out, because the transmission possibilities around hep A really rules out the possibility of a consensual encounter. i was either raped or i was vaccinated. which is more likely?

on the one hand, i think it's pretty low probability to suggest i happen to have been raped by somebody who was in an active transmission stage of hepatitis A in detroit in 2016. this is a third world disease that has a short window for transmission. and, i guess that detroit is in bad shape. but, poverty does not introduce disease, right? the disease has to come from somewhere. this is so unlikely as to rule it out.

unfortunately, however, the low probability of the scenario doesn't rule out all of the other evidence leaning towards a sexual encounter and a disease transmission: waking up with a sore anus and bruises, and then getting sick not once but twice over a long period of lethargy that included a bout of possible jaundice.

of course, it's not impossible that i could have had sex that night and already been vaccinated.

there's nothing i can do except wait. but, i think that the possibility that i got hep A is really so remote that the presence of antibodies is re-opening the potentiality of a vaccination in my mind; i had all but ruled that out once i got sick. and, if i got a hep A vaccination, i would have almost certainly gotten it with a hep B vaccination.

i can't handle being unable to deduce this. that's what upsets me. but, it's just more demonstration of the superiority of empirical epistemology. like i needed one....

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

i stopped by at the doctor's office today, hoping to get more info on the urologist referral. no progress. but, i got him to print off my full blood test results, and it turns out i also picked up hep A.

or, perhaps i got a twinrix vaccine? i went to florida when i was a kid. hrmmn. oddly enough, the presence of hep A antibodies is making me think it's more likely that i was vaccinated.

hep A hits faster. and, i was quite sick about a week after the blackout. it seems a bit quick, though, even for hep A; i thought it was some kind of bacterial infection in my throat, and tied it to a toke at a steve reich concert. could it have been both? apparently, hep A is mostly about anal sex. it felt bacterial. it's gross, but it actually makes sense.

with no memory, it's very hard to say anything.

the fresh air was beneficial; i feel better than i have in weeks. so, hopefully i'm over it. i'm still waiting until early march for the next blood test; results are on the 6th.

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

update: the intersection of two identical particles moving in completely opposite directions just posted to july 25, 2014.

Monday, January 16, 2017

update: the symphony of psilocybin-induced madness just posted to july 23, 2014.

so, how am i feeling?

a lot better. really.

i think i'm realizing that my liver is back at close to full strength after what might have been a worse situation than i really realized. the jaundice is fading, and i have more energy. but, the hormones are also working better. my stool is looking more healthy. the coffee seems to be actually working. and i'm legitimately hungry for the first time in quite a while.

i guess you don't really miss your liver until it's gone, right? trust me: you definitely want a liver. it gives you life, man. short for life-giver, really? we all know this abstractly, but actually feeling it start to go and then come back is...

well, i'm glad it's back. and, hopefully, this translates into working through the rest of this more quickly.

as i'm working through the journal, i'm realizing that the final update over 2001-2003 is going to be more profound than i realized. 1999-2000 will have minimal mods. but, some of the eps from 2001 are going to be very dramatically expanded.

i'm just approaching this with a different perspective. my concern on the first run through was listenability; i was being a lot more selective. but, i've since introduced the idea of the download-only track. i've constructed double ep singles, and hybrid physical/download double ep singles. so, much of what i buried is going to climb out of the grave.

beware of the oncoming zombie apocalypse, i guess? well, at least it will sound fucking great - i can promise you that. if you're going to have your brains eaten out anyways, you'd might as well enjoy it, right?

the oppression of logic can actually be remarkably satisfying.

i'm being silly. but that's actually a good sign. coffee's working. liver's working. life is good.
just an update: i just posted the time machine, published to july 21, 2014.

i'm very, very far behind schedule.

i've been very tired, but i'm feeling beter.

i've decided i have to have a zero (new) ranting policy until i get this worked out. so, i should hopefully be more productive, now.

that was sort of a hump, but it's pushing into something else that's going to be post-heavy, too. just have to keep plugging...

Friday, January 13, 2017

i've republished two more music videos.

1) inertia. this is dated to dec 28, 2013.

2) the time machine (vst mix). this is dated to july 5, 2014.

Thursday, January 12, 2017

i think i'm going to do the chamber music comp, after all. not sure where i'm sequencing it...

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

i quit smoking one year ago. sort of, anyways. i've bought a handful of packs over the last year, either when i had set aside all nighters for drinking or i was going through my biyearly headclear. that's certainly a lot less than 350+ packs.

350*8 = $2800. $2800/12 = $233.33/month. so, $200+/month. where did it go? the answer is that i went to more concerts, and went to more expensive concerts. i also bought some new hardware. and, i bought a lot of cigarettes for $0.50 or $1.00 a piece.

but, after a year of social smoking, i'm taking the plunge. i made this choice at the detroit bus station in october, on the way to lansing to see touche amore: i'm going zero nicotine on jan 13th, 2017.

well, i've been smoke-free since the end of the headclear, which was on dec 26th this year. so, i'm already cold turkey over the last two weeks. this has been the norm for me for the last year: zero cigarettes for several weeks, then a binge for a night or maybe two, then zero for another several weeks, etc. so, nothing changes today or this week or probably even this month.

it will be in the spring that i'll have to face going to my first concert smoke-free.

but, this is it. it was a good year for me; i made a lot of progress in breaking habits. now, i need to spend the year finishing the job.
this is the second part of pulling the soundcloud site down. it's gone, now. these tracks may or may not end up here, but will moved to singles if they aren't.

most of my songs begin as conventional guitar songs before they get ripped apart and demented into various abstract concoctions. that means that a lot of my pieces have two different versions. i've always deferred the raw guitar versions to eventual live performances, but i'm at a space in life where i realize that these live performances are not likely to ever materialize. so, i'm going to compile the live/guitar versions of my larger pieces here.

it's unclear to me at this point where i will space this in my discography, but it will probably be around 2008.

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

i'm getting my predictable attack of nausea.

we're going to have a VERY early spring, here.

this isn't the first time i've kind of had one of these reality checks: i moved here 3.5 years ago. the first six months were a wash, and then i was super productive for a year and really happy about it. and, now i've lost the last year and a half sorting through 20 year-old material, and now the last two weeks trying to reconstruct a journal of those 3.5 years.

i'm wasting a lot of time. or, at least it feels that way.

but, i need to reiterate: i'm done. the old material, anyways. it won't be much longer before i can be a little more forward thinking in at least approaching material that needs some live playing.

i know. i know. i'm feeling it, too. why do you think i'm having so much difficulty focusing? but, it will be soon enough.

what i'm upset about is not the amount of time i'm spending on the past but how little time i'm creating in the present. i have almost nothing done.

i'm going to finish the transfer of the soundcloud tracks to bandcamp tonight. it's just a handful of tracks, the most recent in late 2014. and it really demonstrates the sad point: i haven't done any live recording since april, 2015. i haven't even picked up a guitar. it's horrible.

but, soon.

here's those rough tracks. the tracklist will be updating over the next hour...

since i've moved to windsor, i've spent most of my time completing existing recordings. but, i have put aside a few demos for later, too. i'm just interested in sharing these, right now, so they'll be here for streaming, only. i initially had a soundcloud site for this, but i want to shut that down.

these tracks will eventually be moved out of this space, completed and placed on to singles, eps and lps for download.

Monday, January 9, 2017

the cold snap finally breaks today.

the long term looks reasonable. short winter? let's hope for it.

and i need to be far more productive today than i was most of last week.

it took me several days to get through may, 2014 and to the first new release in early june (dated to jan 10, 2001). but i don't have any serious hardware problems for a good year, now. so moving through the rest of 2014 should be relatively fast, so long as i actually do it.

can i get to the end of the year? i got stuck on the electronic symphony near the end of 2014. hopefully, i can get caught up to there if i'm really focused...

Friday, January 6, 2017

that was a scare...

i've been aware for a while now that something wants to destroy my archives.

listen: so long as it's open and in RAM, i can reconstruct it. and, i'll waste as much time as is needed to. it's kind of important.

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

so, i got roughly a month of opaque posts down today.

i want to say that i'll need to pick it up tomorrow. but, i know that the next batch of posts will be a little lighter, too.

i'm doing this until it's done. but, at the rate of a month/day? i'll be doing this until february. let's hope not...
i know i'm posting a lot of computer stuff to 2014 right now, but i had a lot of computer problems...

the bottom line is that i'm an electronic musician, that i've always been an electronic musician (since 1997, anyways) and that fighting with electronics is a big part of what being an electronic musician is all about. it's a nerds only kind of a job.

it's easy enough to be like "just because you're a nerd....", but you don't have to take my word for it. look around. if you avoid a few years of awful 70s and 80s hair metal, which you should avoid anyways, you'll quickly see that the historical record is actually quite uniform.

the person that i know of that has spoken about this most articulately is david bowie, who has admitted over and over again that the stories about drug use and partying (especially in berlin) were in actuality a way to hide the reality around how sterile and boring the recording process actually is. i know that he's on the record for this, over and over. in later years, he dropped the facade and just refused to talk about it, using the argument that he didn't want people to know how boring he is. he apparently use to install a punch card in the studio as a kind of sardonic joke, and make everybody clock in.

but, this reality is across the spectrum. i've heard everybody from roger waters to billy corgan to kevin shields to trent reznor talk about how dry and awful music production and touring is. which, in actuality, might be why all of that awful 70s/80s rock music took it upon themselves to go spinal tap in their promotional material.

i think the key point to keep in mind is that this is meant to be documentation, primarily. i'm publishing it as promo, because why not?, but it's meant for the historical record. if it's going to be interesting or appealing to people, it's going to be interesting or appealing to the same kind of people that enjoy studying journals of composers. which should not be confusing, at all.
i seem to have skipped the alter-reality. it's there, now.
i'm posting....let's hope i can get most of the way through 2014 before i fall asleep....

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

so, i'm out of the shower and ready to get back to it, but i'm going to force myself to get some sleep and get at this again when i wake up...
the slow down of the last few days is coming to a close. i needed a lot of sleep over the last few days, partly from the 6 hour walk on the 31st and partly from the virus that i'm now largely over. it was about noon yesterday when i finished write-ups for the vlogs all the way until january 25th, so i won't need to worry about that for quite some time. as of this morning, groceries are done until at least the 18th (when i have to go out for an appointment). i have the first of two loads of laundry in; when that's done, i'll take a shower and probably go to sleep. but, i have nothing else to do until the 18th and have every intention to get a good chunk into the period disc by then.

i've got the new drive installed, and have moved a good deal of the data on to it, but i want to let it sit for a bit before i move forwards with it. i mean, what if it dies next week? if it makes it a week, my confidence in it will grow very quickly. this works out because i have all of those posts from 2014-2016 to post, still...

but, it spins. it's a good start, anyways.

Monday, January 2, 2017

this is consolidated: youtube, bandcamp, blogspot. i've shut down the delicious link dump, as it's superfluous after the move to blogspot and it was pushing ads in the feed (gross). i'm on the brink of closing down soundcloud, i just need to clear it out first. it's full of spam, because you have to pay to turn the comments off. facebook uses a proprietary feed algorithm, so they've been excluded by choice (that's just another reason to not use facebook). i would also like to add disqus, but they don't support this, either. i'm going to keep an eye out for a comment system that allows for rss and i'll no doubt use it exclusively if it presents itself. in the mean time, this is as much as i can put together in one place.

even realizing what's going to push me...

i have to think i'll *start* by dual-booting 32/64 bit xp, and only move to 64 bit very slowly.

there's no use in getting too far ahead. what can i say about this very moment?

i did a huge amount of walking on saturday on no sleep while battling what seems like the flu. there was a delay before it knocked me out, but i spent the whole day sleeping.

i'm going to spend the night filing, which includes installing the new drive. i've got vlogs for the next month uploaded and have to do write-ups for them, as well. then i'll finish cleaning when the sun comes up, get in the shower at the end of it and then get back to what i was doing either tonight or tomorrow.

how much longer to finish posting 2014-2016? i don't know.
as mentioned elsewhere, the only wall i've had to scale or think i will ever need to scale is in ram. the newer vst sample plugin libraries want 16+ gb of ram, and i'd need to get to 64-bit to do it. that's a potential driver nightmare. it's likely workable, i just don't want to do it until i have to.

i'd have to reimage, to start with. it took a long time to build that image, and i don't want to even think about it. but, i'd certainly use 64-bit xp, fwiw. there's no benefit in upgrading; i just keep the machine offline.

what i'm wondering in the short-run is if i can convert one of these 250 gb drives into a pagefile. it would not be as fast, of course. but, it might potentially let me run a sampler.

this is entirely theoretical, right now: i haven't *actually* had an issue with a sampler that i can't resolve with the existing set-up. it's just that i see where the push factor is, and what's going to eventually force me to upgrade, one day. i'm going to eventually need more ram and have no choice...
actually, you know what? this is a moot point.

i'm not replacing my system partition; that is, my C: drive will remain on an older drive.

the new drive will neither launch the os, nor launch programs, nor do anything else that would be faster over ssd. it will simply store data.

i really just needed a lot more space.

there are currently 3 250 gb hdds in there. i bought it with four. it's split into a lot of partitions, including a 50 gb C: drive. one of the drives is solely for music, and that won't change. what i'm going to do is combine a lot of the smaller partitions together into a larger "discography" partition that will utilize the entire 2 TB drive. this will include things like wavs for burning cds and isos for burning dvds and blu-rays, as well as all of my source material, organized in iso files. so, it's all data storage.

as i move things to the new drive, it will open up space on the old drives. so, the remaining partitions (the virtual machine partition, the temp partition, the install script partition) will be able to grow. extra temp space will be useful, but it's otherwise not going to be much of a change.

again: i didn't buy this to increase speed. the machine is already blazing fast, because it's very well maintained (software. not hardware.). i bought it because i needed more storage space. and, that's the only change i'm expecting - more storage space.

so, why is my machine such a fast boot and yours so slow?

well, it's 32-bit. my hardware specs are pretty much maxed for 32-bit. but if you're running 64-bit then yours might be better. if you have an old machine, you know it. it's probably not why.

the reason is probably that i keep my software footprint to a bare minimum. i run regular scripts to clear out caches. nothing loads on start-up - not even backup services. and, the machine has xp on it.

so, i'm not disputing the premise. but, if i got a 25% increase in speed from an ssd, that would take my start-up time from ten seconds to 7.5 seconds. it would take my cubase launch time from 20 seconds to 15 seconds.

it hardly seems like it's worth the price, and the associated risk of using volatile storage on a system with very, very high data transfer rates.

what i needed was a lot of safe, permanent storage space. integrity. longevity. size. speed was not in the list of things that are of concern to me.
fwiw, my machine boots in seconds, anyways. it's about a ten second boot-up. you read through reviews of ssds and it's things like:

outlook launches in less than 30 seconds

dude. i don't run outlook, but it would be launching in less than 30 seconds on my machine, trust me. cubase takes about 20 seconds to launch.

if your machine takes more than 30 seconds to launch fucking outlook, you need more than a solid state drive. you need ram. you need a faster cpu. and you probably need a fucking reinstall of your os, too.

thirty seconds to launch outlook. jesus. what is it, 1998?

Sunday, January 1, 2017

this is completely backwards. the most important issues when you're buying a drive are:

1) data integrity.
2) longevity.
3) size.
4) price.

while ssds might be faster on paper, you will never experience the difference.

i've thought about this, and i'll simply never warm to volatile data storage. it's a contradiction in terms. and i consequently don't expect ssds to win, in the end.

(edit: that article isn't opening for me. this one goes through the issues better - although the exaggeration around speed is comical. and, they talk about fragmentation as though it's the 1990s and they've never heard of a defrag.,2817,2404258,00.asp)
i finally got some winter boots today for the first time in years. it doesn't seem to snow half as much here as it does in ottawa, so i haven't needed them, really. but we got a good dump a few weeks ago, which reminded me i should have something in case i *do* need them. i've had to trudge through snow drifts in running shoes in the past, and destroys your shoes. you get boots to save your shoes.

but, the reason i'm posting is to update on a running gag i've had in place for years. i got a good deal, yet again, by buying kid's boots on sale. how small are my feet?

a children's size 6 - made for roughly 6 year olds - was actually just a little bit too big. i got them instead of the 5.5's, which were a closer fit, in case i wanted to double or triple up on socks....

if they were shoes, i would have got 5.5's. so, i can for real buy shoes made for 5 or 6 year olds. i just did. and i'm about 5' 9" - relatively tall, actually.

i've continually pointed to a few biological gender markers like this. i don't think gender is genetic, i think it's a social construct. so, i reject the idea that being trans is a genetic condition (which is the actual scientific consensus, outside of religious circles on the left and right). but, if you pay close attention to trans people, you *will* notice these kinds of things that make you wonder if the rejection of a monolithic social construct around gender does *sometimes*, or *often*, have coincidental biological causes. for me, the things i've noticed most prominently are a lack of body hair in certain regions (i've never grown a hair on my chest, ever) and hand and feet sizes that are pretty unambiguously not-male.

hormones don't change your shoe size, of course. but 36 year-old grown ass men don't fit into shoes made for 6 year-olds very often, either. that's an entirely biological observation, and one that almost never applies to dudes.

i'm not suggesting we should go around measuring kids' feet and assigning them gender roles based on it. i'm just a little hesitant to declare my absurdly small feet to be coincidental to my gender identity and would point geneticists to markers like this if they want to find something. that's more evidence, to me, of a biological cross-wiring than any desire to wear a specific kind of clothing.

i actually hope i never have to wear them. but i'm glad i have the option.

the boots were something that i needed anyways; i also picked myself up a new 2 TB hard drive for the recording machine this afternoon as my christmas/b-day gift to myself, with a combination of money sent to me and money saved from a quiet december.

i bought the recording pc in 2006 with four 250 gb hard drives. three of them are still spinning. the fourth melted into itself in march, 2014 (i couldn't have saved it...rather, i should be happy that it didn't take the whole machine down, or start an apartment fire).

the immediate purpose of the new drive is going to be to store the entire discography, including period discs with vlogs. i'm going to be working on this in the new year, so i did need this, now - i've waited long enough. but, as i work this through, i'm also going to be converting the drives into permanent storage. there's still not any way to get 100 or 200 gb on a disc; these 250 gb drives will ultimately be ideal storage solutions.

so, what that means is that i've now begun what will likely be a lengthy process of swapping out drives. in the end, all four of those 250 gb drives should be replaced by 2 TB drives.

it's a dual core 3.6. yes, it's ten years old. and, i actually *have* had a few reasons to think about upgrading to 64-bit, specifically issues around RAM. but, i still see no reason at all why i'd want a faster processor than that, and don't see why i ever will. i was aware that the technology was hitting a plateau around ten years ago, and that it was going to take fundamental shift to break through it; that machine could very well last another 20 or 30 years, so i'm comfortable in committing to a long term plan around upgrading it. 

Thursday, December 29, 2016

i don't want to say this is taking longer than i expected, because i expected it to take a long time. but, i'm behind.

march, 2014 is when the drive crashed. i then bricked my board. i will eventually fix this with the help of a magical device that i have to mail order from asia; in the mean time, i am stopping here to do some editing and cleaning. my throat is really raw, and i think it's partially the dust (although it would help if i went out sometimes).

i know i have dedicated alter-reality fans, and i apologize for the delays, but realize that this will work out to more stability in the long run. when i get all of this data arranged properly, i will be able to quickly generate liner notes for each successive release. remember that this is happening now because i'm finishing the final liner notes for inri000.

i'm actually going to crash, it seems. and i'll be stepping away from the machine for the day when i wake up.

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

i now have all of the notes from 2013 up:

scroll down and read up if you want the narration, i guess. or use the navigation in the side paine.

note: this will eventually be converted into a journal that is properly ordered, chronologically, and is therefore readable. but, this remains a necessary step to consolidate the data, for now.

i'm going to stop to clean up a little and get something to eat before i get back to it. but, i need to start the monthly cleaning when the sun comes up, and i'm going to do some editing while i'm cleaning, so i need to find a cut-off point.

how about this:

(1) 1/2014-5/2014  (when my motherboard was fixed)
(2) 6/2014-5/2015 (finishing period 2)
(3) 6/2015-6/2016 (predictable breakdown, this time due to interference)

i want to get (1) done before i get to cleaning in the morning. but, first i want to eat.

Sunday, December 25, 2016

since i've moved to windsor, i've spent most of my time completing existing recordings. but, i have put aside a few demos for later, too. i'm just interested in sharing these, right now, so they'll be here for streaming, only. i initially had a soundcloud site for this, but i want to shut that down.

these tracks will eventually be moved out of this space, completed and placed on to singles, eps and lps for download.

i'm trapped in an algorithm.

in order to close the liner notes for inri000, i had to have the sections since 2013 included, which meant i had to distribute the vlogs into this blog. in order to do this, i'd have to import my facebook page going back to last year. but, then i'd might as well import the entire facebook page since 2013, and then cut that up for the liner notes.

it doesn't make sense to do today's alter-reality until i've finished importing that page, and it could take a few days. this is necessary to complete the period disc, and i knew it was coming. it makes sense to do it now.

it means i'm going to be bogged down with data for a bit, and just listening to what i've finished over the last few months.

Saturday, December 24, 2016

here is the remaining alter-reality update to catch-up, although expect further alter-reality updates tomorrow and over the next few days.

dec 15th track:

note at the end of exams:

starting christmas holidays:

dec 22nd track:

i'll close the record tomorrow. i'm going to be filing tonight, i guess.
these are the last two posts on the grapes of wrath:

i still have two weeks to catch up on the alter-reality, which is going to include talking about exams and probably not much about christmas, but maybe a bit about christmas break. i'm going to release the first demo in the alter-reality on christmas day (which i think is actually true, as i remember running out of space on the 100 minute tape on christmas day and then writing liner notes while waiting for supper), which means i'm going to finally have the liner notes to close the first demo completely. so, even when i'm caught up, i'll still have a lot of writing to do. another consequence of finishing the first demo in the alter-reality is that the updates will be less regular, as i then get grounded for several months and don't get back to recording until the spring.

so, i have a lot of alter-reality work to do before i can get back to the real reality and get to finalizing the rest of period 1. but, when i do, the workload in the alter-reality should also decrease for a little while.
i finished reading the book yesterday, and then crashed hard before finishing the posts.

i got the post up for the song, yesterday:

i guess i'll post the rest of the posts together, when they're done.

Friday, December 23, 2016

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

i have the first week of posts up. i'm approaching this at a leisurely rate, due to my ongoing solstice celebrations, so i don't want to criticize myself for taking my time. i'd like to operate roughly in real-time, but the final purpose of this is historical and the slow down is by design, at the moment.

this is for the nov 24th track:

this is for the review of the second bush record:

this is my initial reaction to the first third of the grapes of wrath:

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

i seem to have lost yesterday filing, and most of today editing. but, i am in bed and have the pdf file open.

it's 30 chapters and 300 pages. i'm going to read it in three 10 chapter chunks and then analyze it in three sections.

of course, there's also the main content of the vlog that's coming up, and i've decided to post it early sunday mornings, then do the readings on sunday afternoons.

for right now, i'm focusing on finishing the readings so i can enjoy the solstice at midnight, and then do some writing afterwards. so, expect the first collection of updates late tonight or early in the morning.

Monday, December 19, 2016

period 1.2 will not fit onto a dual layer dvd. the idea was always experimental and is being withdrawn.

i'm going to finish watching vlogs this morning, get something to eat and spend the next few days reading.

these are the shortest days of the year. i'm looking forward to the days getting longer again.

Sunday, December 18, 2016

the next alter-reality update is a little bit different, as i'm thinking about how to close the first demo.

having the alter-reality online is a fun project and everything, and when it's done it will be neat to have a readable blog from the 90s (even if it's reconstructed...), but the actual purpose of the alter-reality is to write the liner notes for the early material in real-time. the entire blog will eventually be converted into the html front-end for the period disc. in the short run, it will be cut into sections and added to each bandcamp record in sequence.

the release date for inri000 is dec 25, 1996. so, i will need to have the first set of liner notes done before the new year. finding an algorithm that works and can be replicated for each successive release is going to be a process.

i need to finish generating the material, first. i've spent the afternoon planning these releases out around the steinbeck novel, which i'm going to start reading when i wake up tomorrow. i've also updated the interface on the blog to include quick links to songs and reviews.

for the rest of the night, i'm going to continue putting things in motion for tomorrow. i need to do some cleaning, and i need to take a shower. i'll be fresh in the morning.

i don't remember how long the book is, exactly, but i think it's a two or three day read. 400 pages? is that about right? i'm going to seek an online copy, so page numbers might not mean much. but, i'm going to want the first third done for the nov 24th update, the next third done for dec 1st and the final analysis for the 8th. i would have handed in an essay around the 10th or so.

fwiw, i'm sure i'm going to skip texts. but, i really can't think of anything else from grade 10.

there's also going to be a few record reviews, but the second half of 1996 was actually kind of a down point, for me. i think i spent christmas money exploring older records. that's not until next week...

Saturday, December 17, 2016

i am also now finished the aleph-disc for inriched:

nothing streams from the aleph-discs. nothing.

it is not necessary to include inri026 because the idea is in the archived versions of the record. so, there's no need to reach into 1.3 with it.

facebook is not co-operating, so i'm a little slow on the timeline update. but, i'm otherwise done up to the next aleph-disc, which is where i wanted to stop and catch-up on the other things. the next few days will be spent on vlogs & alter-reality. i'm actually looking forward to the steinbeck.
while the main purpose of the inriclaimed project was to remove the vocals from the records, i always intended to put a few tracks away and mix the vocals back in for an ep. this was actually factored into the logic that had me build a sequence of singles, in the first place. while there were tracks that i ruled out, i ended up mixing vocals back into most of those that i considered, constructing enough for a standalone lp.

there is no other way to get all of the vocal remixes at once. this release consequently fills an important functional gap in the discography.

this idea was developed in parallel to the inriclaimed project over the summer of 2015 and first compiled on nov 27, 2016. finalized on dec 17, 2016. lp005. as always, please use headphones.

this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (2015, 2016).


released January 30, 1999

j - guitars, effects, bass, synth bass, synthesizers, sequencing, drum programming, sampling, cool edit synthesis, light-wave synthesis, found sounds, noise generators, sound design, digital wave editing, loops, vocals, vocal relics, production 

when i sat down to complete my discography in the fall of 2013, one of the first problems i came up against was what to do with my first two proper records, inri ( and inriched ( in some sense, these records were complete: they were early works, but they were complete recordings and the records were sequenced with quite a bit of detail. it would not be right to modify them in a structural sense, as they were completed as they were when they were. however, the mixes had been degraded rather substantially through compression and the vocals had a lot of problems. further, i knew the source material was incomplete, but did not actually check the master tapes to see how incomplete they were.

i decided that the best thing to do was to try and remaster them using izotope. the result was noticeably "better", and they were released in that form. i also released a compilation of shorts that focused on instrumental sections as inricycled b. however, i had to make a lot of compromises to get to that point. further, the fact that i couldn't remove the vocals continued to bother me.

i finally got around to digitizing the tapes in december of 2014, as an archival step. i did not expect to be able to do anything with this material, but i wanted it digitized to prevent the tapes from deteriorating further. what i learned through this process was that the masters were far more complete than i thought. samples and continuity were missing, but i seem to have dumped most of the sequencing and a lot of the digital noise generation. this forced me to rethink what i was able to present. i decided that if i was going to go through these tracks and recreate them then i was going to do it comprehensively, which would mean completely recreating a number of the tracks. i decided that this would be a project better left for a later date.

by june of 2015, i had made it through the discography to the end of the second period and began finalizing the aleph sequence of dvd and bd flac/mp3 compilations. i decided that the only cohesive way to present period one is as a single disc, which meant i needed to address reconstructing the tracks immediately in order to close it.

the material was digitized via the exact same tascam four-track it was recorded on to, sent out track by track. however, the material was bounced heavily when it was recorded, which means the digitized tracks generally have multiple parts. the four tracks generally exist as follows:

1) an electronics track. drum machines, synths, sequencers, loops, noises.
2) a guitars track. there are usually several guitar parts in this one track.
3) a bass track, or a synth bass track.
4) a vocal track.

unfortunately, digitizing the tracks one by one left them out of sync at a rate of around a half a second per minute, but there is no clear pattern in how they are out of sync. shifting them back in sync was a time consuming process done in cubase by importing the remastered tracks and trying to find markers in the wave files, then using a sort of "newton's method" to compress or decompress the files until they lined up with the master. this issue was compounded by the fact that the initial masters were sometimes subtly out of time. once they were shifted back in sync, the tracks had to be equalized very carefully to try and isolate the constituent parts. for example, a track with a drum machine and a synth may have been split across a high and low shelf to isolate them in the mix. with the exception of this heavy equalization work (and amp simulation for the bass parts), these songs have not been modified from their original form - except to remove the vocals.

this release has rendered the previous inri009, inricycled b, as superfluous and consequently replaces it in the sequence. it has now been moved to inri022.

i am very happy to finally be able to present this material in a form that i would find listenable, today, as an adult. this has been a very long process. i hope you feel that the results were worth the effort put into it, periodically, over many years.

initially written and recorded between 1996-1999 and remixed over the summer of 2015, with a lengthy pause due to malfunctioning electronics. final compilation date is jan 3, 2016. finalized dec 17, 2016. lp004. as always, please use headphones.

* download only


released January 29, 1999

j - guitars, effects, bass, drum programming, synthesizers, sequencers, found sounds, noise generators, vocal relics, digital wave editing, sampling, production.

when i sat down in late 2013, my intent was just to collect all of the tracks that were leftover. however, it became apparent quickly that i had a pile of these weird, glitchy remixes that i meant to do something with, but just never did anything with. they seemed to form an idea of their own, so i split them off into this inrimixed ep.

i feel that this decision was a good one, and that this collection has now become an important part of the discography - so much so that i am adding some tracks to it that were initially overlooked and then promoting it to 'remix lp'.

i need to be clear that this is a remix lp full of damaged, glitchy mixes. these tracks were left unscathed by the great remastering of 2013-2016. many of them are sourced from 112 kbps mp3 files, or worse. some are sourced from mono. i'm presenting the artifacts in the compression as a part of the glitch aesthetic. but, these are truly sad excuses for waveforms.

example: the cover art is actually the waveform for track 2; similarities to the mirror reflection of the cover of any seminal eponymous records from the late 60s are purely coincidental. waveforms like that do not bear any resemblance to any physical reality whatsoever. they fail, as waveforms. yet, these are the waveforms we have before us, and these are the sounds that such absurd waveforms make.

i suppose that the reason i have all of these glitchy mixes from the period is that i was planning on making a glitch lp. it's not that i specifically recall that as being wrong, so much as it is that my memories of it being right are not of clear strength. i sort of remember wanting to make a glitch record. the evidence exists that i wanted to make a glitch record. now i have the glitch record that it seems like i always wanted to make. at the least, my current self very much likes the idea that i released a glitch record in 1999.

constructed over 1998. compiled and remastered in late 2013. the first two tracks were corrected to stereo in sept, 2014. the last two tracks were added for re-release as a remix lp in dec, 2016. as always, please use headphones.


released January 28, 1999

j - guitars, effects, bass, synthesizers, piano, drum programming, sequencing, vocals, cool edit synthesis, noise generators, found sounds, sampling, loops, sound design, digital wave editing, digital effects processing, noise reduction, a broken tape deck, production.

this is a collection of rejected tracks from the inri/inriched period. it's just chronologically sequenced. download only.

recorded over 1998. compiled and remastered in late 2013. corrected to normalize for stereo in september, 2014. expanded incrementally between dec, 2014 and dec, 2016. merged with inricycled b and then finalized on december 16, 2016. as always, please use headphones.

this release will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1996, 1997, 1998, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016).


released January 27, 1999

j - guitars, effects, bass, bass synth, synthesizers, vocoders, octavers, drum programming, sequencers, noise generators, sound design, vocals, found sounds, cool edit synthesis, digital wave editing, loops, windows 95 sound recorder, sampling, production.

Friday, December 16, 2016

the second record was always a...second record. see, the phenomenon of the underperforming second record is actually well-established. i just think it's worth thinking about what a second record actually is, in order to understand this.

a second record is necessarily the tracks that did not make it on to the first record.

i actually tried to resist this, but i was swayed by the argument (with myself) that the tracks would otherwise be lost because i was shifting in a direction away from the electro-grunge sound, and i would eventually go back and compile them anyways. i had enough raw sound for a full record, so i released a full record.

something that is common of second records is that they are uneven because the tracks are recorded at differing levels of attention. demos that were forgotten tend to get promoted without cause, while the tracks that show evidence of attention tend to seem overproduced, in comparison. in recompleting this record, i've paid attention to the uneven nature that the tracks initially existed in and taken an effort to close the gap where it was needed.

i've also removed two tracks from the initial recording due to a combination of technical and artistic incompatibilities.

while most of these songs have defined concepts underlying them, i have ejected these concepts from the final recording and left them in a series of singles, or behind altogether. i would prefer that this album be understood solely as the instrumental recording of electronic music that i am presenting it as.

written and demoed in multiple stages from 1993-1999. initially constructed in this form in feb, 1999. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reconstructed and resequenced over november and december, 2016 from parts that were rebuilt over 2013-2016. finalized on dec 15, 2016. this is my second official record; as always, please use headphones.

the original, unaltered files are also available (along with the original 1999 cd sequence, the failed 2013 remasters and the final reconstructions) as 56-112 kbps mp3s, as i found them, on inriℵ2:

...& inriℵ4:

this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1996, 1997, 1998, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016).


released January 25, 1999

j - guitar, effects, bass, bass synth, synthesizers, piano, octavers, drum programming, sequencing, found sound (paper crumpling), noise generators, sound design, cool edit synthesis, light-wave synthesis, windows 95 sound recorder, sampling, mic noises, digital wave editing, loops, a broken tape deck, chance, production. 

Thursday, December 15, 2016

i spent the night sitting back and listening. but, it's time now for the final updates for period 1.2.

i'd like to get back to the alter-reality soon, too. i just want to finish up to inri025, first, and then pause at the period disc.

bonus track added to inri018. audio permanently closed.

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

i have now replaced all of the tracks on inri021, meaning it is tentatively complete. i just need to listen to the entire record a few times, as a record, to ensure that i'm happy about these continuity choices.

i actually want to give this a few days. it's done. i just need to prove it to myself.

i intended this release to be a short single to house a vocal mix of this track, the reconstructed album mix and all of the historical versions. but, it really came back to life on me when i started mixing it. as i was mixing the track, i was cognizant of the fact that it is both the last release in this string of reconstructed singles and the oldest song that i have a recording of. i felt myself coming full circle.

something that i think is actually unique to this track is that i wrote it while i was still living with my mom. that dates the track to when i was in grade 7, that is to 1993 or 1994. i was twelve or thirteen years old at the time and the lyrics very much reflect it. above all else, i felt it imperative that i maintain the innocence of the track.

the track documents a routine that was actually very formative on how i perceive the world around me. when i was even younger, around ten or so, there was a nightly routine around sunset where my mom would yell at me to go lock the door before the boogeyman came in to get us. but, she'd be a little dramatic about it. kind of a...

mom: shhh. do you hear that?
me: it's getting dark, maybe it's...
mom: it's the boogeyman! go run and lock the door before he comes in and gets us!

so, i'd get up and run to the front door and lock it, peering out to make sure there was nobody there.

i don't think i ever thought a boogeyman existed, but i didn't grow up in an affluent neighbourhood and i was well aware of the dangers of straying too far from home after night. i didn't understand much about drugs or gangs at the time, i just knew that sometimes people died of gunshot wounds outside and didn't want to be stuck in the wrong place at the wrong time. it was legitimately important to block off entrance points.

the run had a bit of a rush of adrenaline-based fear to it, because the hallway was dark. getting to the door and back could at times be a little scary.

the fear was very real; i can still feel it, if i remember back to it. it would not begin to rise until i exited the living room, but would then escalate slowly until i got to the door - at which point it would suddenly spike. this would give me an extra boost of adrenaline to get back into the living room with. it was *always* the run back into the living room that was the scariest, because you never knew if they beat you to the door, and were just waiting for you to lock yourself in and then jump on you when you're cornered.

i think that this daily experience probably underlies my heightened level of caution towards risk. i don't reject risk; i've taken a lot of risks over my life. but, i assess it pretty brutally. i seek out worst case scenarios; i plan around assumptions of failure, to ensure necessities are never interrupted for. what it taught me is that risk must be a consequence of security, and not in antagonism with it.

the original demo version, recorded in 1996, is really the only track from the first cassette that can be salvaged without alteration, however accidentally. i was trying to create an eerie lullabye, a kind of banshee song. through the cumulative process of endless modifications over many months, it ended up sounding like an unfinished progressive rock song - or perhaps a campfire song for existential nihilists. but, what i captured without realizing it at the time was that i sound like the child that i was. for that reason, i consider this version of the track to capture it's essence more accurately than the 1998 or 1999 versions did. i wanted to recapture that essence and re-apply it to the final version.

perhaps what happened with the initial recreation is understandable, in the context of what i've discovered about the track, in hindsight. at the end of 1997, i got a new four-track recorder for christmas. i had spent the entire fall programming on an ry30 that i was given to compensate for the loss of the drum kit. when you get new gear, it's first use is always experimental; i used this track as my training wheels in breaking in the new setup, and largely discarded the outcome.

the track got dropped because i'd come to hate it because i thought of it as cutesy and childish. isn't that what happens when we enter our late teens? if i look back on the initial recording and claim it's essence is intrinsically connected with my age at the time of it's recording, does it not follow that i must have despised it as i sought to define myself in opposition to my child-self?

indeed, it specifically was the vocals that i hated. so, i resolved to ruin them through deadpan and atonality and guitar effects. but, once i had done so, i did not like the outcome and rejected the track for the first record. when i recorded the vocals a second time in early 1999 to complete it for my second record, i merely toned down the concept of annihilating the cutesiness in the vocal delivery, leaving a result that is no more engaged and only arguably preferable.

i may have been experimenting with the gear when i recorded the parts, but the tapes digitized very well for the reconstruction project in 2015. there's enough space in the track to allow the modern guitar & bass & synth plugins to function almost on a clean recording. the remix process allowed me to rediscover the eerie, psychedelic nature of the track and take it closer to it's intended conclusion of constructing a feeling of empty dread and uncertainty.

on sequencing the instrumental remaster of the second record in late 2016, i decided that there was an excess of silence at the beginning of the track that needed to be cut off in order to place it into the proper flow of the record. so, i opened it up in cubase and cut the appropriate section of silence out. i was then distracted by something, and returned to the project unable to remember if i had actually cut the silence or not. in order to check, i re-imported the file. the logic is that if they are out of phase then the cut was made. this was the case, but i immediately made the connection, on playback, to the echo being representative of coming footsteps and sought to expand the idea further.

this resulted in a series of remixes that take the track increasingly out of phase, along with increasing adornments, and then climax in manipulating the speed of the tape as a supplementary effect to increase the disorientation. these were arranged into a sequence of increasing, and then decreasing, complexity.

before i went off on this tangent, i was planning on reconstructing a vocal mix with the reconstruction from tape as the base soundscape. but, all of a sudden, i now had a dozen versions to pick from. i decided that the best thing to do was to experiment. this led to me mixing several of the remixes together, which is the final instrumental out for the record.

the vocal recordings i had from 1997 were unusable, so i had to redo them. but, this was an opportunity to regain the essence of the track by reintroducing a sense of innocence to the oppressive electronics and elusive guitars. my initial plan was to use a solitary voice, but i found that it did not mix well into the same frequency range as the interlock of stereo-spectrum guitars, so i instead recorded the track multiple times and set each recording to a different space in the spectrum. this creates a natural "chorus" effect on playback that blurs the frequency and better allows the vocals to compete with the guitars. i then thickened the chorus further by pitch-shifting it up an octave, which brought in the child-like innocence that i sought for the vocals.

as i was redoing the vocal part, i rejected the track a final time. at 35, why was i singing vocals i wrote when i was 12? is this clinical? but, i followed through with it to close the circle. inri is forever done.

initially written in 1993. first full recording in 1996. recreated in dec, 1997 and again in jan, 1999. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed on july 2, 2015. remixed on july 15, 2015. reconceptualized & remixed repeatedly over november & december, 2016. finalized on dec 13, 2016. as always, please use headphones.

the album version of this track appears on my second record:

this release is compiled in the following places:

this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1996, 1998, 1999, 2013, 2015, 2016).

*download only


released January 15, 1999

j - guitars, effects, bass, pick scrapes, drum kit, drum programming, digital wave editing, vocals, vocal relics, production 

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

the lead track is done, and so i'm posting it here:

but, i'm waiting until the write-up is done before i embed the playlist.

this version of the track is also on this compilation:

i have the instrumental mix up.

this is also the new album mix:

Monday, December 12, 2016

i crashed this morning while listening. but, i've listened to it a few times this evening and i'm still only pretty sure. i'm going to move back to the other room after i eat and hope i can get some clear listening in after midnight.

i'm also facing a question as to whether i want to replace the album mix or not. i'm going to have to take the current album mix off of the single (it's identical to the 2015 mix, except for a short pause at the beginning) to make room for the instrumental version of the vocal mix. but, do i want that to be the new album mix?

there aren't really continuity concerns. the track is an island. it's going to be down to what i think sounds better, and i'll have to do the experiment to find out.

i expect to finally finish this tonight. but everything takes longer than i think it will. soon. soon.
i have a tentative mix done. i need to eat and then revisit, but i'm fairly confident that it's finished - and that if it isn't then the necessary mods are minor. i'd expect something up before noon.
this has been another chill day up to this point. i had a number of things i needed to prepare for the week. i have my own yearly christmas rituals, and i had to put a few things in order. i also watched four hours worth of vlogs. the vlog for november 15 will be published at midnight on december 14th, and i would like to hold to a precise monthly interval from this point on. that gives me plenty of space to juggle things with.

it's not what i wanted my weekend to be, but i got set off by that deleted posted at google+ which just infuriated me. youtube had an awesome ownership scheme at one point, because it assigned ownership based on what struck me as a perfectly anarchist concept of personal property. we should have ownership over our thoughts, right? if a thread is a thought, assigning ownership of the thread to the poster is ideal. i know that it was meant to fight spam, but it stumbled upon the perfect rights balance. now, i can't post at google+ without being censored by who knows who or what?

the posts magically appeared some time after i posted them. i don't know if they made it through the bureau, or they were trying to set me up as an imbecile, or whatever else. but, even the delay is unacceptable. i then got suckered into reciting as a response to clearing off the page, and i decided to see the process through.

i was deleting posts at google+ because i always saw it as temporary. i have a bigger plan to house years of commentary in a more traditional web site, and eventually move to commenting there. it's going to be the first project, post-discography. and i'm already sort of building it in the alter-reality. so, i was just using google+ as a scratch pad, with the intent to transfer it to permanent storage elsewhere.

in the end, my web design may rely on a complex, multi-usage of the blogspot site; it may essentially end up being a maze of interconnected blogs, organized by topic and date. but, in there will be a running journal of my political notes going back as far as i can, which is conceivably to the late 90s, if in fragmented form. it may end up being that journal.

the point is that it was something i wanted to do anyways.

i've been done with the editing for a few hours, now, and i've just been reading lightly. some political comments. it's all theatre.

but, the next thing to do to get the week in order is finish inri020 and inri021. it may or may not get done tonight.

Sunday, December 11, 2016

another lost day? i would avoid that characterization. i did a huge amount of filing...

i actually think i needed to relax a little. i'd been freaking out for a few days and just need to chill. i worked that out through what was essentially data entry in some aspects of the discography. i tended to revert to data entry when i'm stressed...

while i was filing for boogeyman, i started to worry that i had lost consistency in dating with the first half of the sequence, so i went through to verify that things were consistent. there were several layers to this, but it is no complete. and, i really have one more track to finish to close inri20.

right now, it's the end of my day. i was up up at around 5:00 pm. i'm going to watch a few of the vlogs that i rendered, and then wake up fresh tomorrow to close.

Saturday, December 10, 2016

i was up late today. it was close to 6:00 pm. i forced myself to sleep; i felt i needed it. i think that was a smart choice....

i got a smoothie. got some fresh batteries. pushed through the next batch of recitations. made some eggs. checked the news. it's 3:00 am.

looked up some stuff on hep b. there's an incubation period; if i'm showing symptoms, that actually means i must have gotten it at least six weeks ago.

i'm facing the facts: i picked up hep b in the blackout, and i'm going to be sick for a few months until it clears out. i'm going to want to avoid alcohol for a bit. i'm healthy; i should be able to fight it off.

still. ugh.

i don't want to blow another day, but i don't want to get out of bed, either. i'm going to do some filing for the boogeyman single. the timeline will update. and, maybe i'll get back to it in the morning, if i'm still up.

Friday, December 9, 2016

i spent the morning updating the interface on my blogger sites. there's links on the sides, now. this is something closer to what i what i wanted to exist at appspot, and will eventually make it's way there. it's just that blogspot is so much more convenient...

so, this is where i'm posting until they start deleting shit, again. hope it lasts.

Thursday, December 8, 2016

yesterday was somewhat of a split day. i got a little bit of work done, but i stopped to sleep. ultimately, the appointment yesterday was stressful. i have no idea how i could have gotten hep b. it's not confirmed yet that i actually do, but i can't even figure out how i'd have antibodies.

i haven't had sex in roughly ten years.

the most rational thing, at this point, is actually that there was an error at the lab. it's just about the only thing that makes any sense.

i was up today around 1:30 and spent the first half of it trying to figure out how to respond. i've decided to focus on the record first, then get a full print out of the results and then research what they say a little more closely. i'll make a decision as to whether i want to take a second test afterwards.

if i am infected, i think the most likely place i could have gotten infected would be at the lab. unless roaches spread hepatitis? i think that would be news if it were true...

i haven't had sex in roughly ten years.

i got something to eat a little after four. i needed to wait a bit to get back to work, for good reasons that i will not share. i posted something to google and went to edit it. error.

what? refresh...


well, the error gave me the heads up. i copied it to clipboard. try a paste. post. refresh.


i tried this repeatedly, and it disappeared every time. what's going on?

i don't know. i know that i'm not going to post there any more. i just set up a new blogspot site, instead:

but, i was also worried that other posts were going to start disappearing, so i had to clear the page off. and, now i'm going to have to spend the night reciting the posts that i cleared off...

i'll be back to work tomorrow.

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

another short night, tonight. why am i so tired? i don't know. but, my throat has been pretty raw the last few days. and i pooped like eight times today. it wasn't liquid, it was just really frequent. so, maybe my body is fighting with something.

that said, i could probably push myself for a few more hours. but, i want to get a few hours of sleep in now so i don't miss my appointment in the morning.

i actually tried to get the vocal mix done, but what i found was that i was singing too quietly and picking up a lot of static. it's 3:00 am. could i hit that middle point? i dunno. i'd guess i probably could, actually. but, when i say that the guy upstairs is retarded, i'm not insulting him - he is actually mentally retarded. i've picked up a few of his problems over the last few years. probably the dominant one, insofar as it affects me, is that he imagines his own torture and gets stuck in these like masochistic loops. so, if he thinks he sees a bed bug once, he'll see bed bugs everywhere for months afterwards. i'm pretty sure that the reason he has the a/c on in december is that he walked down here once in july and thought it was warm. and if he hears me once in the middle of the night, he will think he hears me every night for the rest of his life.

i can't pretend that this premise upsets me. i just don't want to deal with it.

i'll get the vocals done tomorrow afternoon when i get back. baby steps...

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

i initially unpublished everything because i wanted to rebuild sequentially without skipping anything or finishing anything out of order. with the imminent completion of my second record, i've now caught up to the point where i'm mostly going to be writing liner notes for the next 40 or so releases.

that is not to say that i have now comprehensively completed my discography up to 2003. that would be untrue. but, the general shape of it is clear, and further modifications will be minor. i have every reason to think that i will push through the next phase very quickly and be back to working on "new" material within a few months.

as the liner notes are incomplete, take them with a grain of salt. some of the numbers are wrong. and, in fact, some of the following numbers will change, too.

what has been republished this evening is as follows (numbers best guess until i get there):

1) deny everything sequence (2000)

inri036: let freedom ring ep-single

inri037: the curious george suite ep

inri038: ignorance is bliss ep-single

inri039: acidosis ep. symph004.

inri040: curious george single

inri041: deny everything lp. fourth record. lp008. 

2) jjjjjjjjjjjjjjj sequence (2001)

inri042: stuck in the... ep-single.

inri043: the time machine ep-single 

inri044: j's adventures in guitarland ep

inri045: psilocybin ep. symph005.

inri046: intersection... ep-single.

inri049: existence ep-single

inri051: jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj lp. fifth record. lp009.

3) cynicide/rabit/jjjjjjjjjjjjj^2 sequence (2001-2002)

inri047: cynicide ep-single

inri048: me, myself ... single.

inri052: the wave. symph006. lp010.

inri053: clarity ep-single:

inri054: 9:46 ep-single

inri055: time single:

inri056: rabit is wolf lp. inri011.

inri057: trepanation nation. symph007.

inri058: the imaginary tour ep.

inri060: untitled double ep single.

inri061: la la la la single

inri062: jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj^2 lp. sixth record. lp012.

4) most of the ftaa sequence (2001-2004)

inri050: noise ep #1

inri057: trepanation nation. symph007.

inri059: noise ep #2

5) start of the trivial group sequence (2002-2006)

inri061: la la la la single 

inri063: flying ep

inri064: reflections (track) ep-single:

inri069: reflections (ep). symph008:

6) period 2 compilation sequence (2000-2003)

inri065: ry30 compilation. lp013.

inri066: vst compilation. lp014-015.

inri067: ambient works vol 1-2. lp016-017.

inri068: orchestral works vol 1. lp018.


yes. that's 70 releases, now. and there's still plenty to come...

slow start of the day...

after i ate last night, i sat down to figure out which version i wanted to use for the vocal mix and i ended up falling asleep. i slept a long time, too. i dunno.

but, i'm up now and i've decided that i need to mix it to the album mix for timing reasons and then experiment by listening. only way to find out.

but, i've also republished my discography in full. and i'll need a new post for that...

Monday, December 5, 2016

this is now totally updated.

the vocal mix is coming, still. and there's a final alternate mix that i'm playing with. then it's done. 

frustrating day. same list of things. ugh.

this may be all i get done today. we'll see.

Sunday, December 4, 2016

and, we need another update, i think.

near the end of the day on wednesday, i decided that something had to break in the temperature down here, so i turned the heat down while the window was open. i spent the entire day thursday trying to get the thermostat in here to 15 degrees.

i just felt i needed to reset it. these electronic heaters seem to rely more on a relative concept of temperature than an absolute one, and i've come to not trust them as a result of it. you need to recalibrate scales every once in a while. i think that's the right way to think about it. and, i think it was the right choice. but the day was lost...

i had an appointment on friday and spent the rest of the day grocery shopping. so, when i woke up today, i was picking up where i left off on tuesday.

i noticed that the files were too quiet, so i increased their volumes. and, i finished a mastering decision for the seventh track. it sounds like a small amount of work, but it's actually quite large in the scheme of things.

i have re-uploaded 5, 6,7 and 11 with final mixes. i will need to re-upload 8,9,10 tomorrow or the next day. and, what remains is the vocal lead and a couple of undefined extras.

baby steps. slowly but surely. i'll get there, eventually. promise.

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

i think we need an update, here.

i've been refraining from uploading until i'm completely done. it wasn't supposed to take a long time. but, i've had to cycle back.

i slept on sunday night right after i posted. so, i tried to spend monday doing some real listening. this led me to the conclusion that the mix sounded flat, and i found a mastering error in the source file. but, it was a short day and i crashed quickly.

so, i tried to start the listening process again on tuesday morning with the corrected files and realized it still did not sound good. i spent the day remastering, and only got about halfway done.

i woke up today to more air quality issues and had to keep the windows open. it was also the end of the month, so i had bills to pay and the month to plan, broadly. i decided to keep the windows open all day to get air turned over, and focus on the concert schedule instead.

i've closed the windows, but the air quality remains poor, and i'm about to open them again. it seems like the day is likely lost. this is probably a net benefit, as it will give my ears time to rest.

Sunday, November 27, 2016

this is (tentatively) mostly done. one more mix. but, i need to listen, too.

this is the final section of the last proper inri demo, which was written as somewhat of a suite, but only in a fleeting moment, and then forgotten. it's a sort of sardonic take on the jesus story, in that it follows a persecuted person through a suicide and a resurrection, with tongue in cheek commentary.

initially, it was a song suite about being young and not listened to, culminating in a rather dramatic overreaction - that i ridiculed as counter-productive, partly by reference to kurt cobain, whose suicide is an event that hangs over the childhood of my generation. people that were adults at the time might want to think of it in the same way that they interpreted watching kennedy get his brains blown out on live tv. as i grew up (stated loosely - i was still 17/18, here), i realized this is a general condition of society that is not limited to young people. so, i generalized it to reflect the illusion of what we call "democracy", and gave it an exaggerated persecution complex. the cynicism was targeted at the clinton administration, but in a broader sense i'm sort of ridiculing the rather cartoonish perception of generation x as this kind of raelian mass of fatalist children....

my final vocal edit for viewless focused on a small part of the verse and cut the chorus out altogether. i then distributed that small part into the rest of the song by cutting into parts and pasting it in where i wanted. this drops the more general commentary, which seems like an anachronism, in favour of refocusing the listener on the direct storyline of individual persecution. for suicide, i left the vocal track largely in tact, except to remove the suicide note, which in hindsight also seems like a giant distraction from the satirical storyline. what's left is more direct.

i also want to note that there was a conscious decision to move to a more recited vocal style on the 1999 rerecording (and subsequent 2016 reconstruction), rather than the screamy style that dominates the initial 1996 demo. at the time, i considered screaming to be sort of contrived and passe. the recitation is actually a very considered reaction to something i interpreted as largely cartoonish. i was certainly still heavily influenced by the screamy stuff i grew up with, but it wasn't a characteristic of much of anything i was attracted to after about '97 or so and actually something that i really wanted to distance myself from.

i've pulled back from insisting on recited vocals in order to minimize that contrivedness, but the truth is that the vast majority of music released after about '97 that has screamed vocals very much *is* contrived. time has only cemented my rejection of falsely emotionalized vocals in punk-derived genres.

written and demoed from 1996-1999. initially constructed in this form in january, 1999. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. compiled on nov 13, 2016. sequenced on nov 22-24, 2016 from parts that were rebuilt over 2013-2016. audio permanently closed on nov 24, 2016. release finalized on nov 27, 2016. this is my second symphony; as always, please use headphones.

section one ("epilag"): initially created in early 1999. remastered on nov 23, 2016.

section two ("viewless"): initially written in 1996. recreated over 1998 and finalized in dec, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 19, 2015. corrected to control for malfunctioning electronics on dec 29, 2015. sequenced nov 22, 2016. vocals added on nov 23, 2016. corrected to remove an errand click on nov 24, 2016.

section three ("anticipation"): background noise built in 1996. rebuilt in late 1998. edited in late 2013. remastered on nov 24, 2016.

section four ("suicide"): initially written in 1996. recreated over 1998 and finalized in dec, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 20, 2015. corrected to control for malfunctioning electronics on dec 27, 2015. sequenced nov 22, 2016. vocals added on nov 23, 2016.

section five ("resurrection"): initially written and recorded on january 4, 1999.

the album version of this track appears on my second record:

this release is compiled in the following places:

this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1996, 1998, 1999, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016).

*download only


released January 13, 1999

j - guitars, effects, bass, synthesizers, electric piano, vocals, drum kit, drum programming, sequencing, cool edit synthesis, sampling, light-wave synthesis, noise generators, sound design, loops, tapes, digital wave editing, production